Fucking Death
SO LIFE IS GOOD FOR ABOUT FIVE FUCKING MINTUES AND THE NEXT THING YA KNOW… DEATH IS UPON US… LOOMING… LURKING… SMIRKING AT YOU… IT LEAVE YOU INCOMPASSITATED TO DEAL WITH LIVING… FUCK THIS PLACE OKAY? I’VE ALREADY DISCUSSED MY HATRED IN THE WORLD OKAY.. THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN DO! i HAVE ALL OF THIS ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER.. WHERE IS TRENT REZNOR WHEN YOU NEED A RELEASE??? WHY CAN’T JOSH GET ONLINE AND WIRE OVER A RAZOR? WHAT PART OF YOUR BRAIN CONTROLS THE FEELINGS THAT MAKE YOU ACT LIKE THIS. I THINK I’M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF GABE AT SCHOOL TOMORROW BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS… HE’S A SHY LITTLE ASSHOLE THAT MAKES GIRLS CRY OKAY. AND YA WANNA KNOW SOMETHING ELSE??? OKAY FINE WHAT THE FUCK SO I CAN’T SAY IT… DAMMIT I WANT TO I WANT TO I WANT TO I WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE HE’S HURTING ME RIGHT NOW. i AM NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER MAKING ANOTHER PROMISE LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!! NEVER SO I HOPE YOU PEOPLE WILL GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS THAT I’M JUST GONNA DO WHAT I CAN AND I AM not IN THE MOOD TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. HMM… I’LL HAFTA USE THAT TOMORROW AGAINST THE POOR BOY. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID???? HE TOLD ME HE LOVED ME! dAMMIT! HE LOVED ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME! WHY CAN’T HE LOVE ME AGAIN! i WANT HIM BACK I WANT HIM BACK I WANT HIM BACK I WANT HIM BACK I WANT HIM BACK I WANT HIM BACK I NEED HIM AND I DON’T CARE IF HE WAS CONTROLLING I NEED TO BE CONTROLLED BY HIM I NEED HIM TO PUSH ME AROUND BECAUSE I CAN’T JUST LIE THERE AND BREATH ONE MY OWN SOMEONE HAS TO BE MAKING ME PRETEND THAT I AM. I FELT LIKE HE WOULD ACTUALLY BE THERE FOR ME… AND HE THOUGHT I ACTUALLY WASN’T LAUGHING FUCK PERIODS. i AM GOING TO DO AN EMERGENY SURGERY ON MYSELF— I’M REMOVING MY FEMALE PARTS BECAUSE I WANT THE WORLD TO THINK I’M EMPTY JUST LIKE I FEEL AND I HOPE THEY ALL READ THIS AND I HOPE… FUCK WEARING PAJAMAS TOMORROW I’M DRESING IN ALL BLACK AND I’M WEARING RED EYESHADOW ALL OVER MY FACE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE MY EYES ARE BLEEDING… GOOD… I HOPE IT LOOKS LIKE THAT!!! I’M SO ANGRY AND PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD. THE ONLY THING I FIND SOLACE IN IS FORBIDDEN. AND MY LIFE IS LIKE A FUCKING EPISODE OF DAWSON’S CREEK!!! OKAY WELL IF IT IS… WHEN DO I GET TO GO BUILD A BOAT AND SELL OFF INTO THE SUMMER ON IT? WHAT IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO THIS SUMMER? I BELIEVE THIS SUMMER IF LAST EVEN THAT LONG WILL BE NOTHING AT ALL JUST ANOTHER TIME OF NOTHINGNESS BECAUSE I CAN’T GRADE MYESLF WHEN THERE ARE NO GRADES COMING IN! PARANOIA PARANOIA EVERYBODY’S COMING TO GET ME… BUT I DON’T CARE CUZ THE VOICES SAY THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER…. DO I MAKE MYSELF A VICTIM AND IF I DO THEN WHY? WHY DID SHE SAY THAT BECAUSE SHE’S THE ONE THAT IS A BITCH AND I HOPE THEY ENJOY FUCKING UP MY LIFE… WOO HOO… WOO HOO… GOT MY HEAD CHECKED… HEH HEH… SCARED THE DOCTOR… I WANNA BE SEDATED… BUT THEY KEEP TRYING TO USE THAT DAMN PROZAC AND IT DOES NOT FUCKING HELP A GOD DAMN THING. I NEED SOME SERIOUS NINAGE RIGHT NOW AND I WANT TO GO AND JUMP UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN …. NO ONE SHOULD HAFTA READ THIS… BUT I HOPE THEY DO I HOPE THEY ALL DO.. THIS IS LIKE THAT MOVIE “bOYS DON’T CRY” CUZ THE TRUTH!!!!!!! is!!!!! BOYS DO CRY AND THEY SHOULD CRY AND ONLY GUYS THAT DO CRY AND DO NOT MAKE ME CRY ARE WORTH MY TIME AND GABE MADE ME CRY SO MUCH!?!?!?!?!? WHY DOES MY BODY STILL THINK HE’S MINE??? I DON’T WANT HIM AT ALL I JUST… GRR… RARRR..GRR…RARRR WELL I’M GOING TO GO NOW BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO GET SOMEONE ALL PISSY AND FUCKED OFF ABOUT ME TRUTH BEING TOLD… I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE CARES ABOUT. GRR… BYE
JESS— BYE THE WAY…. YOU HAFTA USE THE FUCKING BACK BUTTONS ON YOUR BROWSER BECAUSE I REFUSE!!!!!!! TO GIVE YOU PEOPLE A LINK BACK.. YOU’LL GET ONE EVENTUALLY WHEN I GET THROUGH MY THING… I THINK I’LL RIGHT A LETTER TO SOMEONE RIGHT NOW. HOPEFULLY NOT ALEXIS. ALEXIS IS A WHORE. SHE IS! AND DON’T THINK THAT I’M LYING AND BEING MEAN ABOUT IT… SHE JUST LET ME RIGHT SUICIDE NOTES TO HER AND SHE NEVER TOLD ANYONE… NOPE… NEVER… SHE SHOULD’VE I MEAN… GOSH IF SHE WOULD’VE I WOULDN’T HAVE GONE THROUGH ALL OF THIS CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP… I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRESS LIKE DEATH. I WISH I REALLY KNEW SOMEONE KNEW ALEXIS. IF I DID (OR ACTUALLY I THINK THAT MAYBE I DO) I’M GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM JUST FOR RUINING ME LIFE. PARTY IN A PIGEON HOLE.
ALL YOU PSYCHOTIC ANALYSIS PEOPLE… I HOPE THAT YOU READ THIS AND THEN MAYBE **CROSSES FINGERS** MAYBE YOU’LL FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT MUSIC DOESN’T MAKE PSYCHOTIC KILLERS IT HEALS THEM BECAUSE I DO SOLEMNLY BELIEVE THAT WITHOUT MUSIC I’D PROBABLY KILL MYSELF… AND I’VE MOVED ON FROM THE DAMN PILL THEORY NOW! YAY! ADVANCING TO BIGGER BETTER THINGS… BECAUSE FOR THAT TO WORK I’D HAFTA TAKE ALCOHOL AND ALCOHOL IS EVIL. HEH HEH LIKE I CARE NOW? i HAVE TO GO GOOD BYE