use both hands
i’m blogging two days in a row. this hasn’t happened since march 22. and usually i’m a multiple entries a day kind of girl so i’m sure we’ll get back to that later. yeah. anyway. my day was pretty boring. we’re doing a contemporary poetry unit in english and it’s driving me insane. i’m so in love with that class. chamberlain is one of the best teachers i’ve ever had. not only do i learn a whole lot but she just gets me all excited about english and makes me really think about what i’m reading. i’m sure i’ll be a much better reader/writer when i’m out of her class. it’s great.
I really like most of my classes this year. math kind of sucks, but kim and lacey are in that class and so kim and i make fun of each other and the class. good times.
and then i hate chemistry with a passion but all the fun girls are in there and clayton is there so that makes it mostly better. plus it’s not like i really do anything. when sittenauer isn’t telling biased interpretations of history, that’s a good class too. and for the most part i just love history so its a good class.
and in french i’ve learned a lot of french but i’ve learned a lot about myself too. and steph and i have gotten to be really good friends because of that class. it’s nice to know that i have somewhere to go when i want to be verbally abused (in a loving way). mweh. i’m so sappy. i think i get too attached to people. they’re just all so beautiful though.
last night madeline and i had a long conversation about me and my self-injury. this is the part where i get squeamish and don’t say anything on the blog. anyway, i was able to admit to her a lot of things about myself. i’m trying to open up and talking about thinks that are substantial. i didn’t talk about gabe or colby or brian or any of those emotional scabs that i can point to when something is bleeding.. instead i actually thought about what i felt and told her. i’ve never actually opened up to anyone like that. or if i have, it’s been an insanely long time.
today i was reading about philosophers and their philosophies and i realized that i’m starting to define myself. i was telling madsee last night about how i like people and their stories.. i like to travel the world, and sometimes i like to be alone. i’m a million different people from one day to the next.. but i was thinking about it today and i realized that i like the state of nature. i understand the social contract but i don’t know that i’m willing to sign it. i’m kind of a rawlsian kind of girl.. and some locke too. but that rousseau. grr. hah. i mean i like distributive justice and i definitely agree that we have to look out for our worst and then i agree that the government should only have the power the people give it. I like Betham’s utilitarianism theory too. that the society do what gives the greater good and that a system is only justified if it benefits the bottom class. and i like the community standard provided by entiozi because it’s about how we are who we are because of the community. i think that i just feel that it’s all a combination of those things and that we have to define our philosophies. and i don’t know exactly what i believe these days. i don’t know where i fit in with god or the world, but i know that i’m excited about finding out. and that maybe i’ll stick around till i have an opinion on things other than war. because it shouldn’t take that long to figure out that war is bad, unless it benefits the most people.
i really like the confucious train of thought. i was reading about that and decided that i’m going to read more of his writings because I think I would learn a lot. and it seems to be things that i agree with by myself. most of my thoughts have been formed on my own.. i’m not a heretic by any means and so when i find something that is kind of the way that i think anyway, i’m more likely to accept it. so i’m going to at least read the philosophies of Confucious. he seems like he’s got it going on.
i think that was enough internal dialogue for one journal entry. and by god i write so much now. it’s like i keep pouring myself into notepad documents, watching the little bar at the bottom and thinking only in carriage returns, never in paragraphs. mm. code.