sunday, april 20, 2003
happy easter/420. I’m not really celebrating either. We had baskets and all and we’re eating later but no family or anything. on account of the rain. melh. oh well. it’s a fun time. and it’s better than what i was planning on getting afer thursday. mom decided to take easter away because of my being bi. gah.
i’ll update about last week. i cried and was sad a lot. on monday, i bought a track phone so that my parents won’t know that i have one. i barely got to talk to madsee at all last week. on thursday i asked for an open relationship because i was going crazy. then i realized what i was doing and changed my mind. yesterday she emailed me and said that she can’t be my anything if i want an open relationship. i feel like she lied to me because she said she wouldn’t matter. but regardless i love her to little bits and pieces and that comes before my ability to see other people. so i cancelled any openness of relationship.
friday/saturday was state history day. whee. i took 3rd which means no nationals. which fucking sucks. but it’s okay. i think i’m going to do it next year cuz i like things like that.. but still. i would have really really liked to get to go. i could always “remove” one of the first or second competitors so i can go. but honestly, i’m looking forward to never doing that piece again. i hated it. it was bad. and i should’ve worked harder if i REALLY wanted to go. i’m such a fucking slacker. it was just fun to get to hang out with cari.
mom saw my shrink on friday and yesterday said that i can talk to madeline again. i explained to her how lonely i feel and she said that she loves me and shouldn’t be taking away my freedoms the way she was. i said that if she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me she shouldn’t push me away. i didn’t mention that i know the reqs to be emancipated. because it would hurt her feelings if she knew i had looked into that.
last week was one of the shittiest weeks of my life. mrs. chamberlain helped talk me through some of it on tuesday and that was really good. she’s such a wonderful teacher/mentor and i’m so glad i have her as a teacher or just as a friend really.