On self-loathing
sometimes i hate myself. just everything about me. i hate the way i look the way i act the way i think to much. and i just don’t know what to do about it. last night i dreamt about feeling that way. i felt like i sucked and so i started cutting and i cut a chunk out of my arm. it was very disgusting. i just had this spot missing. and the skin was there but it was hollow like a bowl with skin and some muscle tissue for sides and a bottom and all of this tissue and cut muscle and pink flesh there. i went around with it and it stung like a bitch for weeks then i realized it wasn’t going to scar and i got really sad. i started crying and saying “what the fuck did i do!? why did i do that?!” and then i realized i was probably dreaming and so i woke up. i don’t know what to think of it it was so fucking insane. i hate having dreams like that. i just do not know what at all to think about them.