Hip-hop-hippity-hop

whee. i’m not even fucking tired and its 4:15 am. heh. i’m all jumpy now cuz i took too much ‘caffeine’ and i’ll never sleep. but its okay. i have that nice druggedy-tiredy-happy-uppers-high going which is the funnest one to have. how did i go all summer without this? i don’t know. but yah. it’s exciting.

i spent all of today with madeline. did i write about that? not yet. but i did spend all day with her. well i started school this morning until like 10 (1st days suck!) and then i went to laceys cuz i took her home and i sat around with her till 11 and then i left for silver lake but i went by mcdonalds first and jesse/beth were there with funny stories and then i saw steph so i talked to her and then i made it to silver lake finally a little after 11:30. madeline and i just hung out all day basically.. we watched movies and slept and cuddled. it was really nice. even if she does say that she doesn’t cuddle when she sleeps, i had a really great time just lying there with her. she makes me feel so content with myself when we’re just holding each other. like maybe i’m okay.

but lately i don’t feel okay.. i mean, not about her, because she’s great (even when she is crazy, i still lub-luff-love her) but because i went through that whole “hey i need to be crazy and go find myself” phase and then i did find myself and now i know who i am and i don’t really ever want to be around me. i’m such a bitch. i mean. fuck. i think i’m just really upset that i hurt madeline (i hurt everyone) and i haven’t been writing poetry lately so i haven’t just vented about it all.. which would also be really nice to do. augh. i guess now i know me, i just have to learn to love me. its such a long difficult process. teenagerness. yuck.

doo doo doo. i just watched the state of the union again. it really pissed me off. maybe i’ll start a new blog entry in political opinion about that. but i don’t really know.. cuz i mean man fuck. he hasn’t done half the shit he talked about in that speech. and the only stuff that has been completed 1) isn’t complete 2) i didn’t agree with then 3) has basically been admitted to being a lie. it just angers me. and he doesn’t even seem to upset about it. he’s so warhungry sometimes. i wish he’d just leave other countries alone and care about american sometimes. pay attention to what WE NEED HERE. because he hasn’t really done that yet. and i think we still have a long way to go before we start building other countries as well.

also, there is a new layout that doesn’t convert line breaks. so all my journals are just one big mush. which makes transitioning funny. oh well. i heart you hardcore.

• Category: Journal