progress

Just over a month ago
I was with you
and I wanted to be
But people would ask who you were
(in relation to me)
and the words ‘my girlfriend’
or ‘this girl i’m dating’
seemed so weird: who dates girls?
so i freaked out,
which is what we’re calling it
because it’s references
should bring up no memories
(i don’t want to remember anyone but you)

Just over a month later
I am with you
wholly and fully
Sometimes they ask who you are
(i’m in the hallway,
you’re on the phone)
and my vocabulary quickly jumps to the world girlfriend
settling on it comfortably,
(but oh if i could settle comfortably on you)
you’re mine and
i’m over heterosexuality
like it’s one of my exboyfriends

right now
I am not with you
physically only
last night I dreamt of you
because you told her we would shrink her down
jealously: ‘but you shrink me down, madeline!’
and i wake up and you’re not here
but you’re somewhere
and that’s the difference.

• Category: Poetry