i remember everything
ive tried to cut you out of my life
but my arms are not my life
and i am still a failure
so i try once again
to bleed away the sting of you
(fuck you for ruining my love)
i’m throwing her away
because she’s not you
but that doesn’t mean she won’t hurt me the same
and i still remember you
i had just bought that dress
with so many beautiful thoughts in my head
about what that day would be like
you made me feel like it would be my first time
and i was giggling in my own way
waiting so patiently
but you had to see it on me
when i smiled for you, in the doorway
you took me in and kissed me
the straps obeyed your hands command
falling to the floor so easily
and i remember the cool breeze of the dress falling
and the warmth of your hands as you tried to cover me
you gave up on your hand effort
and surrounded my skin with kisses
it was too sincere to be strategy
soon you covered me with your skin
and it felt so pure and beautiful
and i loved you just then
i remember everything, still
its so much later
and so much more painful
you tore away my inhibitions
and gave me new ones
i can’t love anyone
i don’t blame you, i just
i just remember everything.