traffic ticket

you made me say i love you tonight because you’re scared of what will happen when your mom finds out that you owe the government two-hundred and thirty dollars. so i said it in a rush of words and then in my head i immediately took it back, so that you could say it back to me but neither of us could mean it because it wasn’t meant to be meant this time and that way you couldn’t leave me and i couldn’t leave you either. because love is just an excuse to leave someone and i won’t stand for it anymore. just the same, i said it. and you said it too. and it wasn’t meant to be meant but i think i mean it (subtly, as in the way your hair falls over the frames of your glasses). so what if i do mean it. so what if you do owe the state. you’re going to make it through everything and i’m going to make it through this and we will leave each other someday but apollo will carry us through. and still, i’ll turn to memories of you. but when you said it it reminded me of how she said it and how i wanted so badly to say it back to her but now i feel like i never did. oh, p-money, what are you doing this for?

• Category: Prose