my first mister
i just finished watching my first mister. it has leelee sobieski in it and it was really good. however duncans incorecctly labled it as a comedy. when it was very much a drama. i would’ve rented it no matter what it was but i was still all teary the whole thing because of it. i just bawled and bawled and bawled. oh well. i think it was good for me. i need to cry more.
last night i called madeline back and talked to her for like 45 minutes, but before that i talked to her mom for about 20 minutes and we talked about how madeline is doing and how i’m doing and i cried about it for a while because this so incredibly hard. its just terribly difficult to deal with and i don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. like there’s lacey and stephanie that would talk to me about it and i know that but its like i know that they’d say “well she wasn’t good for you because…” and i don’t want to hear any of that. i just want to ignore it and pretend that all of this can just go away. like itll just magically get better one day or something. but instead i’m just blocking it out, pretending she doesn’t exist. pretending that none of it ever happened—that nothing bad ever happened. in fact, i think last night talking to karen was the first time that i’ve really really cried about it since it happened. i’ve been too busy trying to pretend that everything is just alright for me to get anything really accomplished along the lines of getting over it. or getting anywhere in regards to it. its just really sucky. but it was good to actually talk about it.
happy thanksgiving everyone.