exit music for a film
i’m horribly depressed right now and i’m not sure why. i just have this overwhelming feeling that everything from now on is going to suck and its not worth it and i should just curl up and die somewhere so that it will all be over. nothing feels beautiful today and its like i can’t even figure out what’s going on with myself to get through this. what the fuck is wrong with me? i feel like no one will ever understand how i think. and i hate that. its all so clear to me and i explain it and people still don’t understand. i feel like an alien or some sort of mutant about it all. its like everyones a moron and i can’t do anything to fix it. i don’t necessarily think people should think like me: i mean, i love josh to bits and he doesn’t think just like me, but i know that he’s fairly educated in what he believes. i feel like everyone else, even a lot of people i’m really close to just don’t examine whats going on in the world before they make a decision that they then get really defensive about. i have a really hard time figuring out how people can come to some of the opinions that they do and then be so stubborn in changing them. it seems that anymore the christian right is all about conservativism and not what the model of christ was. do you honestly believe that christ would not have been compassionate enough to understand the value of programs like welfare? i just don’t understand. and for that matter sometimes i think that the god that everyone tries to push on me is not a god that i would want to worship and i read the bible and i see someone/something entirely different than what people cram down my throat. its the reason i had to stop going to church in the first place because i get so disenchanted with what organized religion has become that i can’t handle religion period. where is god? someone show me.