studies in exhaling

i don’t really like “having a life” more than i did maintaining the website. it will be nice when its summer and i at least have nights and weekendishness off. even if i will be working a lot of overtime. i’m tired of stressing about finals and AP tests etc and i just want to get to college and start doing things there. overall though, i’d day i’m doing pretty well.

i took 4th in the state IX tournament yesterday. which i’m not happy with but i guess is hould be. i’m just upset with myself because I did not speak to the best of my ability. oh well, there’s always nationals right? ::stresses::

so. i had weird dreams last night. i don’t really know how to explain it because i don’t want to say who the person was but i dreamt that i kissed someone at prom that i don’t believe anyone would be happy if i kissed. i mean. argh. it was just strange. we were in the bathroom and i just walked up to her and said hi and kissed her and the whole time i was like “its just a kiss hello” and it seemed so completely excusable because everyone kisses everyone hello and i felt like i was completely different from everyone in the world because i felt weird about it. but i don’t really know what to make of it today. because it wasn’t anyone that i would see in the bathroom at my prom and as her prom was last night i believe that i didn’t see her their either. i guess it was just a strange dream. but hrm. i feel remorseful. i feel relieved it only happened in a dream. i feel like i should be able to easily apply this to my actual life. but, alas, i can’t.

i feel like i want to fix my goddamn laptop.

i also dreamt that i was dating gabe again, i think. i don’t know. it was some sort of gabe-thomas combination which would be incredibly insane as i don’t think there is even one part of them that is remotely similar. ..maybetheirviewofawomensrole.. and i guess that could be enough. it was sort of a strange dream. mostly just hanging out at this house with a curvy steep driveway.

does anyone have a keen sense of dream interpretation? shrug.

i’m thinking about making chaostasis.net into chaostasis networks and having it be a feminist power website type place, but i’m not sure. i’d still host blog sites (including my own). but i can’t decide if i’d have enough information to make any sort of a website that wasn’t just links.. maybe i’ll start a subdomain and see if i can build it up… maybe first i should find the time.

• Category: Journal