on the patio (patio)
i went to see madsee in silver lake today so that we could talk about everything that has been going on between us. she cooked for me <33 yummy. pesto alfredo and chicken yum. i could’ve wet myself i was so happy to eat it. the rest of the time went well except that immediately following the eating i began to cry. i just said “i’m sorry” and then she couldn’t hear me so i had to repeat myself about a million times and then finally i just broke down and started bawling. so i asked if it was okay if we went downstairs and we did and i sobbed a whole lot there and she gave me a letter which made me sob harder. then we decided that we both need to get to the point that we can trust me in order for us to have a successful relationship together. the worst part is thats the most difficult part of “working things out.”
part ii
after madsee’s i went to grab coffee at pts and was sitting outside reading tom robbins thinking that maybe j or danny or corey or someone would show up and we could talk for a while. but it looked like no one would be there and my iced chai was almost gone and the chapter was almost finished so i was thinking about heading back to school when i noticed “the original jarrod” lol. after he got coffee we sat outside and talked about poetry and how great it is and what he’s doing with his life (hp) and what i’m doing with mine (the cap-j and big dreaming). it was so nice to see him though. i haven’t seen him since maybe wa-ru’s forensics tournament or even after and i haven’t had the time to really have a conversation with him in years. its crazy how chance works out sometime.
i love it when you’re just sitting there waiting for something to happen and then it does. to think that today started out poorly and ended so well i have no need to talk about what went wrong. i love september. i think it makes me happy to be alive.