one week
i got into a fight today. there were no punches thrown.
j and i fought. like whoa. cos we had plans to do things (which were incredibly tentative, i think this still even after i read the email that he sent me to say “perhaps” we could hang out). and so anyway we were standing outside morgan talking to marcus nikhil and ryan and we all decided to go smoke. and i was like “j are you coming” cos we started to walk away and he didn’t follow. so anyway he was just like “I’m gonna go home” and didn’t say anything else but was obviously really pissed off. so i was just like “J?” cos i really thought he was going with me and figured he’d at least say something to me if he was going to run off all angry. but he didn’t. he was just like “i’m taking neal back.” so i figured he had plans with neal or something and was just pissed at him for not talking to me and being a little bitch about things.
so i walked away.
then later i ended up at my car and was trying to decide whether i should just go home or if i should go try to mend things so i went to his apartment to get my bag that i left there (at least) and then i stayed and we talked for a long time about stuff and how his mom always walked all over guys and he didn’t want to let a girl do that. and i told him that he saw these bad things and his initial instinct when he’s in situations where one of the outcomes could be the bad thing he saw his mom do he has a gut reaction to make the opposite happen. but the opposite isn’t always good. and we opened up and shared a lot of things about ourselves and it turned into a pretty nice talk. really. so i’m glad we were able to let down our guard and talk to each other for a while.
i really like this boy.
i keep trying to push him away, that’s how you can tell.