other stories, & renewal
last week was too stressful. so i took a renewal weekend. but let’s work out the stressful part first. i think i’d be at least relatively better feeling if i did that. first there was tons of drama on the personal life front. i don’t really know what it was about but for some reason last week just felt like a good week to not get along with anyone. then, the elections occured. although the elections around here mostly went D. the local ones. national went waaaaay R. which is so unfortunate. but you know, it happens. and i think that there is very little that our government does that is not undoable so i don’t worry about it too much. just prepare for protests against the patriot act II. if it happens. for that matter i should be protesting patriot act I. still. i don’t know. i’ve came around about the election a lot. i woke up wednesday a libertarian. although i’ve talked myself back to mostly lefty. w00t. go jess.
now, on top of all of this election madness, i worked 17 hours. went to class for 16 hours (woops slept through french class make that 15) and had a test monday a speech due tuesday (that i did thursday but turned in on time) a book review due thursday and a paper due friday (that got pushed back to monday but nonetheless got worked on a lot over the week). so i was wee bit stressed out about all of that. thus i deducted that this weekend was the end of all of the shit and i’d just wade it out until friday at noon.
so friday at noon i went and worked through my social problems (muchos better) and then i went out for lunch at chilis and had veg fajitas that they tried to sneak meat into (those bastards!) and we made fun of our waitress cos she wasn’t nice to us until she brought the tip. what a fuck. then i took a short nap before heading to lawrence.
in lawrence, i picked amelia up at Lewis then we went to dinner at chipotles where i didn’t eat but i did have lots of lemon water (cutting back on the soda). it was yummy. and she finished her burrito. which is impressive. but its light rice so the girl was totally cheating. we went out last weekend too (did i blog about that? no.) it’s been really nice hanging out with her again. we really did have an awesome friendship till we let ourselves get in the way of it. so i’m glad that everything is all worked out now and we can just be friends the way we’re supposed to be. because it really is so much better this way. and i have a really great time with her.
post-chipotle it was off to see I Heart Huckabees with J. that movie rocked my world. it was no Garden State, mind you, but it was really fuckin good. and all of the existentialism in it was amazing as well. plus an amazing cast equals good movie. i love jason schwarzman to bits. i’d totally try to make babies with him.
j and i walked back to his car and then i wandered alone on mass (at like 9pm) i ended up in the dusty bookshelf where i bought the book Lost In Translation because i’ve been meaning to buy/read it and it was like 5 dollars which is cheap in comparison to list price. hrm. it was a grand adventure. and i had portishead to listen to the same time which made it soo much more cool. i really really love that album (Dummy). fun stuff. so i wandered back to my car and went to tutus where i crashed until he got home then we talked to his date and watched some dawn of the dead before going to sleep for the night.
somehow, amelia managed to suck me into judging ottawa so i did that this morning and then i went out with lacey and had yummy thai food and a great rewnewing experience. in gap, no less. i was standing there and realized that there was absolutely nothing that i did not want. not to mention there was very little that i have that i wished to keep. i think i’m going to clean out my drawers and try to get rid of some things. and i’d like to turn some old jeans into a skirt. cos thats way too much fun not to do. you know? of course.
the drive home from lawrence was exceptionally beautiful with the orange sunset touching everything and making it gold. it was fantastic. i wish i could explain it.
(i keep thinking of all these things i want to show pat when he comes and it makes me glad that i met him because he really made me see kansas for the beauty that its nature possesses).
j and i fought like crazy and all about bullshitty stupid things. i don’t really understand it. its like we just couldn’t communicate. from tryng to initiate messing around to have grown up conversations. we just absolutely couldn’t do anything. i don’t know. finally i reached my breaking point yesterday (well thursday night but i couldn’t talk to him until yesterday) and i told him that i can’t take how bad he makes me feel. so then he confided that he’s been feeling really really shitty lately so i talked to him about that and helped him rationalize his feelings. then i told him that it makes me sad because i care about him a lot and when he goes through things it kills me to know he’s upset and won’t let me help him. and then he cried. and then things got better. because i think he understand that i really want to be there for him.