today, today, today . . .
i’m exhausted. i have a headache. i’m at work. i have to deal with party politics tomorrow.
currently seeking: one date (counter-romantic.. unless the volunteeree is steve) to see how the buzz stole christmas feat. jimmy eat world, the donnas, g-love and special sauce, elephant, and the new amsterdams now that tickets are only 19.95. please comment for details or seek me out on aim, yo. smash static.
[addendum] today my mom told me that i should’ve been born 30 years earlier because i’m tottally a hippie. 🙂 this made me the happiest camper on this side of the appalachians. it was marvelous. i just got all happy. and then i was like “i don’t know.. i guess i do have some libertarian leanings..”
also, today i went to lola’s for lack of better alternatives and because i was hoping to see morgan there. which turned out to be a fulfilled session of hoping because she was working. and then she gave me shit about my boyfriend. but that’s okay. cos i’m happy with him. and i haven’t been precisely happy with a boy since i dated brian… and that was a long time ago. usually the word to describe how i feel is more “in control” especially like with the ones since madeline its been more about me not getting hurt than actually allowing myself to grow and feel in a relationship. this is all good. although i admit i’m at the stage now where i’m ready to push him away so i don’t get hurt. but i can’t do that. because i really like him. and i just.. gah. i’ve had a crush on him for too many years to just forfeit it all because i don’t want my heartbroken.
oh gosh! i also got some poetry selected to be in the Washburn Poetry Review (Inscape) for the spring 05 edition. hooray for me. it was the poem “Death Rattle (&Bang!)” which is about my uncle’s suicide. you can find it on my livejournal and hopefully in the poetry section of my blog later this evening. i’m really excited about it. i was all dancy when i got the letter. if dancy is something one can be.
i took a nap this afternoon and dreamt that i needed to go to the statehouse to see this photographer and when i was there i couln’t find his office so i went on this tour because whenever i tried to ask staff where the office was they just said “take the tour..” so i took the tour and we were in some room looking at something and then we heard gunshots so this guy and i left to see what it was and there was this gunman who i had seen earlier and made eye contact with and he left me unsettled and the guy that went out with me picked up this beagle puppy and the guy with the gun shot through the beagle and it was lodged in the guys shoulder and he was knocked onto the ground. so i freaked out and went and looked for other people and then i went back to help him and he was just bleeding so much. so i looked at the gunman who wasn’t paying attention to us right then and i just put my hand over the wound instinctually to stop the bleeding. and when he starts to fade i keep saying “i love you, i love you, i love you” and then he just gets better and everything is okay. it was extremely strange. i think its about how i don’t look at making sure people can eat as a handout. i think its just the thing to do. and we had a talk about that. and i cried the other night because this lady was mean to her dog. and i needed to go to city hall today to pay a speeding ticket.[/addendum]