we gots the lack of motivation

i realized sometime yesterday that perhaps my sobriety kick is probably part of a minor manic episode. because i know last weekend i was really sad about michelle’s death (one year anniversary) so most of the time i was just in this complete state of social anxiety and everytime i was around people i felt really weepy and inadequate. then sometime around tuesday i was driving and everything was all golden because the sun was setting (by now you should know this puts me in the best mood) and everything felt so great like just so amazingly great that i just wanted to go on this adventure and drive wherever i could drive too. kinda like that time i wrecked my car while trying to drive to california (its a longer story than that, i promise). so anyway. i’ve just been in this really great mood. further: everything seems really unimportant. like everything seems to be just how it needs to be and i’m a lot less likely right now to freak out about anything. and usually my “everything is gonna be alright” attitude comes with these states of mind. i also really feel like i don’t need any sort of mood enhancers which is nice. and i’m never sure how long it will last nor do i find it necessary to make any promises but you know, while it’s here i’m going to enjoy it.

i decided not to use my livejournal. because i don’t like livejournal nearly as much as i like opendiary. so i am now crossposting poetry/prose on opendiary and blogs on xanga and myspace. i’m not sure if i’ll actually go to all of the work to make my opendiary crosspost comment on the blog. probably not. because i hate to display comments with my poems on my poetry page.

also, my dog has a myspace now. because sammie rocks.

• Category: Journal