be kind, please rewind

i’ve been going through my old life. that is, my old opendiary. this journal is now four years old to the date. and i’ve gotten farther into it than i’ve ever been able to before. i mean there are reasons for this.. first i’m doing it differently than i have in the past. the goal is to get it all formatted in such a way that i can upload it easily into movable type and then develop one comprehensive printable file that perhaps i could publish using cafepress or some other relatively easy-to-use program.

the process entails using the stickies program i have for my computer (I love it!) and having three stickies each with a section of the code necessary. they’re divided into the code before the title… the code between the title and the date.. and the code between the date and the body. it doesn’t really take as long this way as it used to when i tried to do it by copy and pasting different sections of the code at a time. mostly cos i can just ctrl+a and then ctrl+c and it doesn’t take the same ammount of selective highlighting as having all of the template code in one file would.

so i’ve finished february of 2001 through october of 2001. and the only thing i’ve determined is that i really didn’t like me before i dated brian. or i really don’t like me before i dated brian. cos i think the girl at the time was pretty self-loathing until sometime during or well after brian. it’s hard to tell. i know i didn’t really love me until like october of this year. but we’ll see how the journal develops. its kinda crazy. because there are a lot of parts where i just want to be like “yo, jess.. settle down it will get so much better you have no idea.” or “jess, dollface, don’t date him… he’s a douche and you’ll wonder what you were thinking for years…” and the number of times i’ve laughed out loud are pretty astronomical as well. it’s funny, really. mostly its been about the time molly was stalking me cos i’d kind of forgotten about the time she was posting anonymous notes. i talked to madeline about this realization of how crazy the two of us were and she said that she likes to think we’ve both grown up a lot. and i do too. my god. i was a psychotic young highschooler. intense.

• Category: Journal