maybe i'll catch fire
new years eve was good. steve and i went to karls and i invited annaleigh along because i figured it would mostly be a festival of me not knowing people or not wanting to know people i already knew better and feeling like i was clinging to steve all the night and generally interfering with him having a good time. anyway, so annaleigh went with us and i was able to talk to her instead of other people all night. which was good. lucas was there and it was nice to see him again and of course karl but otherwise it was mostly people i didn’t know. or knew from around but only knew them well enough to know that i didn’t really want to get to know them any better than i already do. all in all, it was a really nice time and karl let us sleep on his futon which was really cool too because it meant my mom didn’t have to freak out and we didn’t have to worry about drunk drivers. i had a really nice time though.
i also got to hang out with mallory on friday afternoon. we went to pick up my cellphone (cos it got found, bitches). and then i bought garden state and we returned to her place where we cleaned up a little and watched a lot of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. That has to be one of the most addictive bad television shows available to watch. and USA had an allday marathon. mallory and i were talking about how boring USA usually is that they can just cancel all of their programming for an SVU marathon and make it a really big deal. hah.
thursday night i went to carla and amy’s in lawrence because carla was having a sleepover. i ate thai food and had cocktails with cari, carla, angie, caitlin and amy for a while. it was great fun. its nice to hang out with a big group of girls for once. not that i don’t like my social life of boys but its all kinds of nice to be a little bit feminine. even if they aren’t the most feminine of girls. still. sometimes one just needs to talk about things that boys feel awkward talking about. also, i think i’m going to room with cari next year which is good news because i didn’t really want to live by myself and i could see cari and i really working out as roommates. she’s rooming at kstate with stephanie this year and stephanie and i are at least pretty interchangable people. lol.
steve said i love you the other night. it was really great. we watched the copy of garden state that i bought friday on saturday night and because its the best movie in the world i made him actually watch it so he wouldn’t miss its wonderfulness. so when we were pretty close to the end he thought about pausing it to mess around and then we decided to go ahead and finish it. so we were finishing the movie and the credits started to roll and we started making out which quickly turned into really really good sex and then we were holding each other and kissing some. after we’d been cuddling for a long time i had my head on his shoulder, looking at my arm on his chest, and he was like”what are you thinking?” and i was like “I don’t know.. i was thinking about the picture that i see right now and how natural this feels.” and he squeezed me tighter then i asked “what are you thinking about?” and he said “i don’t know… … … …i guess i was thinking about the l-word.” so i put my head up and looked into his eyes and smiled some and kissed him and then i just kinda waited for him to say something else then i looked down and started to move my head to kiss his cheek i think and he used his hand to push my head up so that i was looking at him again and he whispered “i love you” and i smiled and said “i love you, too” and then we kissed a lot. it was really nice. because i was getting that feeling often where it hurt to not say it to him because i do.
a few weeks ago we had this talk about how the words “i love you” have really made me freak out about more than otherwise in my relationships but i said that i think you reach a point where it hurts not to say it to someone and that when you get there its okay to say it.
i kinda thought i wouldn’t fall in love again. and i don’t know that i’m really really “in love” but i think i will be. and i know that i do love him. and its nice to know that he feels it too. i think part of the reason i was sad most of last week was that i needed to say it or have some formal acknowledgement of formal feelings for each other. and now i do. so i’ve settled down a lot.
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yeah, i guess we are fairly interchangeable.
hey you. are you mad at me? or suggesting I use it for hits or sex? because let’s be honest. I only want drug deals. anyways, i hope there’s no pent up tension in there. i adore ya kid and i hoep your’e doing well. good luck with the new roommate =) ps. myspace won’t let me delete my account. it’s eatin gmy soul.