playing by ear

last night was a really great night. i went to see another roadside attraction play at the trap and despite the fact that i have a really sore foot because of that hole that i put in it, i had an awesome time. i started out by standing and half-dancing then I opted for a chair because my foot started to hurt but after I had to leave to take a phone call I went back in and decided that my foot was not going to ruin my night so I danced anyway. They have to be the best band to dance to, as well. w00t. Sam was there, she was also at Travis’ party, but it was nice seeing her and stuff because we got to talk and I think i’m going to get better about everything. I just feel a lot like we’re a game of Pong because we bounce balls (read: boys, no go ahead and read it balls) back and forth between us and yet the paddles never touch. But we danced some and talked some and it was cool. I can’t really blame anyone I date for being attracted to both of us because we are pretty similar in a variety of ways. SEXUAL SELF ACTUALIZATION RULES!

After ARA, I went out to Tommy’s with Trevor and Michelle. I hung out with them a lot at Travis’s and that was fun cos I haven’t really hung out with them since Trevor and I went to high school and Michelle and I lived next to each other. Even when she lived by me it was only once because we were pretty different then. (I wish I hadn’t been so fucking insecure through all of high school, man, I bet I would’ve had a blast.) So Tommy’s was good. I hadn’t really seen him since we “broke up” from the time we were “dating” and I think I revised a lot of the history between us in my head. I know I didn’t love him, I mean, I never ever thought that I did. But I think that I’d convinced myself that things were really bad between us for the last two years or so because they had to be. And I realize now that it’s just that neither of us did anything to make them better. He talked a lot at the party about how and why he doesn’t do any drugs and helped me understand Joe’s position on drugs a lot. Because lately Joe’s been upset about my using whatever drugs I happen to use and trying to put his foot down about what I do and don’t do. And it makes me really rebellious because I look at it as him being overly paternalistic or not trusting my own decisions. I think I figured out when talking to Tommy that isn’t exactly the case. A lot of it, I believe, has to do with the reasons he chooses not to do them. It’s kind of like how I don’t eat meat. Like I see all of these things that are really bad about meat and I get so convinced in my convictions that I don’t want other people to do it either because I would be letting myself down if I did it. And I suppose that’s probably how he is about drug use and it makes some sense. They’re not for everyone, for sure. And I really respect that he doesn’t do them at all but it’s just not a personal choice that I will make/have made yet. To be honest though, there are times when I think that other people are making bad decisions concerning drugs and their life and times when I feel like I am too. And I always stop. But I’m going to think again about the reasons why I do them and consider what I want to do. My problem is that most of the reason why I want to do them is that they are hella fun. So I have to watch myself and lay off. The last full week of June for instance, whoa, stoned a lot. Then I start to see bad sober side effects so I conciously decided to do them less. Ah.. So off topic. I guess my point is that last night I realized that I miss hanging out with Tommy a lot because we were really good friends and always got along and stuff. So maybe we can start hanging out again now? I hope so.

I made Chipotle burritos for Mom-Duck and I. They were delicious, and not to difficult. And I’m pretty sure I made enough burrito to feed my family for the cost of one or two veg burritos there. Take that McDonald’s-owned fucking AWESOME Burrito Joints!

AND tonight!! I get to see the Get Up Kids at their break-up concert!!! Sadness about the breaking-up but FUCK YAH! THE GET UP KIDS OWN!

• Category: Journal