The Great Flag Day Pie Eat of 2006
Happy flag day, welcome to the great pie eat. Here’s the story:
Yesterday, I was checking facebook updates and came across Dave’s which commanded the following: “Eat a pie sometime next week. The entire pie. Not in just one sitting, but polish’er off by the end of the day. You’ll feel like ass, but the satisfaction of eating an entire pie will be well worth it! Err, maybe.” Immediately, I felt drawn to the idea. However, I cannot wait until next week. So I am going to eat an entire pie today.
I told mom this soon after deciding it. I walked into the kitchen and said, triumphantly, “I am going to eat an entire pie tomorrow.”
Mom: “JESS! You can’t do that! You need to watch yr figure!”
Jess: “No, mom, look, my tummy is flat! I’m fine!”
Mom: “You have saddle bags.”
Jess: “What?! You cannot do this. I just fixed the other part you already complain about and now you spring this other thing on me. Something I can’t even do anything about! It’s not even muscle! It’s just stuff that’s there!”
Mom: “You need to exercise more.”
Jess: “How can I exercise away something not connected to muscle? I know what I’ll do. I’ll starve myself. Then my body will be like ‘ummmm i’m hunnngrrry i neeed food. where can i get some food? oh yah… i’ve been storing it all in jess’s saddlebags. ummm nummm yumm.”
Mom: “You don’t need to starve yourself.”
Jess: “Then eating an entire pie won’t hurt me.”
All of this took place while I was buttering I baked potato beyond recognition. Awesome. So then I hugged mom and said “Thank you for helping me with the baked potato. I’m sorry you think I’m fat.”
Later, at work, I informed others of this monumentous decision.
Jess: I’m going to eat an entire pie tomorrow.
Roger: that sounds like quite the challenge
Jess: Yah, you should do it too.
Jess: “Eat a pie sometime next week. The entire pie. Not in just one sitting, but polish’er off by the end of the day. You’ll feel like ass, but the satisfaction of eating an entire pie will be well worth it! Err, maybe.”
Jess: I’m going to record it all by digital photo and put it on facebook.
Roger: I want to try the milk challenge
Roger: but the pie challenge sounds just as fun
Jess: yah.
Jess: you have the time. pies are only like 3 dollars, i think.
Jess: you can choose the flavor. WHAT IS NOT TO LOSE?
Roger: Are you too dumb not to eat an entire pie?
Jess: Freudian slip.
Jess: HAHA That’s the motto of the Great Flag Day Pie Eat of 2006.
Roger: Yours or mine?
Jess: Either way.
Jess: Yours.
Roger: Everyone’s a winner!
Jess: It’s true.
Roger: It will be like Pie Heaven on Earth.
Jess: Yes! In all flavors!
Jess: And Graham Cracker Crusts!
Roger: What about Chicken Pot Pies?
Jess: Don’t be ridiculous, I am vegetarian.
Jess: But you could do that, if you were a savage.
Roger: I only eat the chickens because I hate them
Roger: and want the strength
Jess: Oh. I can’t eat them. Because some tastes must go.
Jess: The Chicken Pot Pie should not have a graham cracker crust.
Roger: agreed
Roger: I have nothing against mr. graham
Jess: Awesome! Take photos of yr pie day. And actually do it.
Jess: You should eat an entire pie, tomorrow.
Nate: why?
Jess: It’s The Great Flag Day Pie Eat of 2006.
Nate: i don’t think i would feel very well
Jess: “Are you too dumb not to eat an entire pie?” is this years motto.
Jess: You don’t have to do it all in one sitting.
Jess: It’s just a 24 hour thing.
Jess: Like a marathon.
Jess: I meant a tv marathon. Which is fitting because comparing a pie-eat to a running marathon would be ironic. Giving how little exercise one gets eating a pie.
Jess: Anyway, just do it.
Nate: what if i don’t? will you come find me and shove a pie in my face?
Jess: No, silly, my pie will be in my stomach.
Nate: because that only works on TV.
Jess: Yah.
Jess: I’m going to do it though.
Jess: I can’t wait.
Nate: what kind of pie will you eat?
Jess: I haven’t decided, but I had a sudden urge to scream RHUBARB!
Jess: That’s not going to happen though I bet.
Nate: rhubarb pie is really good
Jess: Yah I bet.
Jess: but where would i get it?!?
Jess: If I controlled space-time I would have one.
Nate: you can make one
Jess: That’s a woman’s job!
This is going to be the best day of my life. It’s 1:26 and the pie is in the oven for the next 50 or so minutes. Then I have to let it cool for a few and then I’m going to put it in my mouth. Yum.