You shall have a herring when the boat comes in
I’m listening to this collection of Collin Meloy singing tracks which are like traditional songs or something. It’s very good. I like it a lot. Lately, I’m more into cover songs that originals… and I got the new Modest Mouse via scene leak and it’s just fucking awesome. I’m really impressed with it. My relationship with modest mouse has always been so complex… they weren’t really my style when i first heard them, but I liked the moon and antartica alright. Then, I bored of it quickly. So I didn’t really like Modest Mouse for quite a while. The version of Good News for People who Like Bad News that I had was also a scene version but it was downloaded by my exboyfriend, Jarod, who is one of the worst scene rippers ever. Actually, I think this wasnt’ his fault. The rip came from 107.7 the end playing the album live… it wasn’t like he just got weird versions and put them together like with Not a Pretty Girl by Ani. So anyway I didn’t really like that album because the bitrate was so bad and stuff. But as I heard the singles when they hit the radio, I liked them a whole lot. So I went ahead and downloaded this album. It’s pretty great. I respect that they’ve been on Kids Bop and still didn’t sell out with their next album. Kids Bop is so baller. You don’t even realize.
I’ve been having such a rough week. I’m just really depressed, I guess. The squad stuff and all of that. I’m supposed to write a couple letters about it sometime soon. Also, Joe was being mean a few minutes ago. I guess he has a right to be mean. But. Mrh. I don’t know. Part of me wants to try to move my appointment with my therapist up.. but I only have a couple days until I go there anyway… and I need to spend time researching tomorrow and I won’t do that if I go to the doctor. I don’t know. I’ll just try to work through this myself. I just don’t really feel okay right now, but I’m trying not to dwell on that.
I’m excited about my new relationship. I’m trying not to fall into my typical trap of hiding feelings in uncensored entries and not letting it be known how I feel and all of those things. He’s a great guy. I’m happy. I feel like I can talk to him about what’s bothering me and he’s just so vehemently on my side that it makes me feel a lot better before I go to sleep. He’s really good at cheering me up.
I worry. Because I know some people whose blogs are complete revelations of what they’re really thinking. I see in those the evidence that I could never have been what I wanted to be to them. But, you know, I’m not the one who has to deal with that anymore, and I feel better because of it. I guess the point of this paragraph was to say that I don’t want my blog to be that. Constant melancholy without revealing the good things I feel. Plus, I dwell on the things that make me sad all day and all night. I should at least be able to blog about things that make me happy.
I’m really worried about me. I feel like I lost my family. Like I communicate with those people in a weird dream. But I’m not alive in their waking anymore. That’s a mellodramatic way of looking at it. But fuck that. It’s how it seems. Awkward.