This is probably why I turned out bipolar

I want to mention that my family has gone crazy again. Over family pictures. I don’t really understand why my mom is so psychotic right now. Basically, my brother and I were supposed to go take pictures tonight.

I scheduled it tonight because I had all of my evening between 3-7:30 free and that is plenty of time to accomplish this goal. I came home after work, took a shower, and did my nails to relax a little and then worked on my paper some. I needed to not take my laptop to work because it took too long to load it so I was emailing the paper to myself when Mom and Dad decided that we were going to be late because it was 5:55 and we had not left for our appointment at 6:20. So dad comes back to yell at me for not leaving and I point out that I’m just emailing myself and we won’t even be late as long as we leave by 6. I leave, after mom flips out and says that we shouldn’t even go and she’ll just cancel it. I say we’re going and we leave, in separate cars because I work.

Mom and Dad call and Mom is really pissed that we took separate cars because she didn’t know I had to work. When I explain that she says “well we’ll just do this a different night.” Already at the mall (on time!), I tell her that we’re already there and we just do it. She tells me not to get the pictures done. Then, upset that I’m getting upset, my brother takes the phone and she tells him not to get the pictures taken and at that point he just outright refuses to take them, despite my saying that we should just do it because we’re already there… mom will send us to the mall later to get them taken… and because i want the pictures. So he leaves. While I’m in line to check into our appointment. I have this huge, embarassing fiasco with the woman at the checkout counter who hopefully just felt sorry for me… and Devon still refused to take the pictures. So he leaves the mall and I spend the rest of my night just shopping and the like.

I get a phone call from mom at about 7:05 explaining that Devon has taken the money that he and i withdrew from the ATM machine and purchased a skateboard which will be broken in half to teach him a lesson when he gets home. I point out that a more rational thing to do would be return the board so you don’t spend 80 dollars proving a point. She refuses to do this. Then she said “he needs to learn a lesson. For that matter you need to learn a lesson. I think you should drop out of college for a while.” DROP OUT OF COLLEGE. I point out that that’s an absolutely terrible idea. Then she accuses me of not being a decent human being.

I can’t even parent myself. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be expected to parent her. I talked to Dad and he’s only slightly more rational than mom. he just said that i should have let them know that I needed to work. I pointed out that I had no way of knowing that I would need to have my entire sechedule cleared to accomplish a task that takes a few minutes, and that I don’t typically tell them my schedule. I just set my schedule and if I have time to do what they want me to, then I do it. There is no rational reason why I would need to tell them that I had to work as long as I had time to get the pictures taken… which I did.

So the thing is… Even if I had mentioned that I didn’t have time… i would be guilt tripped because I make time for dinners and coffees with friends. For hobbies. For whatever. And even if those things are important to my well being and to curbing my depression, I apparently shouldn’t do them ever. So I can’t really say no to mom when it comes to these sorts of things. Plus… I REALLY DID HAVE THE TIME AND WANT THE PICTURES.

Now, my brother is refusing to come home. I still have a whole lot to get done this week. And I don’t know what I’m going to do.. or when I’m going to do it. Fuck.

• Category: Journal