Another bad night
So tonight turned out to be a bit of a mess. Agh. And all of it starting when I’m off work at like 11:30. But two hours and one visit from the sherriff’s department later, all is well. And I’m taking my brother with me to Wyoming/Colorado. Agh. It’ll be nice to get away, I think. But mostly I’m just sort of pissed off about all of these circumstances.
I may have told my mom that if I felt like she loved me I wouldn’t have to fuck random boys. Yikes. Harsh. Though probably true. I just hate it when they try to turn things around on me, you know. I hate it when they tell me that I’m whoring around and stuff like that. It’s not true. And it’s not fair. And even if I do want to have sex with random boys(/girls) they can just fuck off because it’s my life to do something with. I feel like i’m not even a part of my family sometimes. My brother was really upset and depressed tonight. Looking to show them a lesson after the motherfucking cops came and did motherfucking nothing. Fuck cops, by the way. They should be like vampires where you have to invite them into your house or they can’t follow you into it. I think maybe they are that way, basically. But I think there should be an anti-authority force field. They just freak me the hell out. And the one that went to talk to mom just happened to be a friend of hers. So of course nothing happened. Fuck. Anyway. It was just about a terrible night.
I hung out with Jeff, Kelsey, Whitney, Cody, Joe and Roger for a while this afternoon. I’m still undecided on whether or not that was a good idea. I know that I don’t want to try to keep Joe from having friends come up and stay over, I mean, that would be unfair. I’m in a relationship and I’m happy. I also don’t want to sever our friendship every time one of us has a girl or boy around. So I don’t know. It was just… weird. And it was weird getting home and seeing the pictures of them on facebook cuddling last week. I don’t really know what I expect. Maybe I’m just not quite as ready to accidentally stumble upon those things as I thought. It’s also weird that it’s my bed. And my comforter. And that will continue post his graduation. So it’s not even the same as me having someone sleep in my bed with me cos that will always be my bed you know. But the bed he has will return to my possesession again. So that just makes it a little weird for me.
But that said, it’s been a month with Kyle now. I was rereading his “On Things” journal entry and he talks about how he’s really excited to get to know me and to learn about himself too. I think about how close we’ve become in this past month and it’s really amazing to me to see how close we are even after such a short period of time. I really look forward to all the opportunities we’ll have to grow even closer. And I’m still really happy that the people in my life who I care about are starting to come around.