revenge would be the greatest mistake
i am the female figure fragmented
against a sidewalk of my own regret
and that swandive i took
wasn’t worth the climb up the stairs
or the pool of blood i left
and i was enculturated
to believe that blood and skin
and lifelessness
can be traded for its weight in oil
but prices stay high
despite the ever-climbing death toll
and i meant for you to be anything but
my latest, greatest victim
you, my darling, are my
latest, greatest hope
and i don’t even have the words
to explain that the words
i say to you are different
than those that have fallen on any other ears
it’s not even about this long drive
for someone with nothing to say
it’s about every boy or girl
who ever came before you
and the new sensation
of fear which arises
not from the stunning reality
of our love like an aurora
which we drove so many hours to see
but from the lack of fear
as i fall into that love with you
i guess i was looking for someone to catch
me beneath the weight of my own bad decisions
not out of fear of being alone
but simply out of love for me
even in my failures you exceed my greatest dreams
and my apologies are as much for my actions
as for actually having tested something
which i never needed to
and i love you more than you could ever understand
but i’ll spend my whole life trying to show you