What I'm waiting for always
I interviewed for those rotary study abroad scholarships today. I didn’t win, despite being a finalist, but this is okay. In the end I just really had a good time and met some good people and I’m excited about going abroad (more so this evening than this morning) and that’s about all that I could ask for, I think. Some of the questions were mighty interesting. My favorite, by far, was “Would you marry an African?” I guess the guy was tryin to get a feel for me as a person… but seriously… what’s the answer to that… No one knows. I just said I’d rather the kid be Catholic than anything. Agh. What a weird, weird question. I also got asked who KU played tonight and at what time by the same guy. Luckily I knew the answer to that one… what the fuck.
So mom and dad looked at my vacation photos today (the sober ones). I think they’re starting to settle down and rational out. I’m even a little bit convinced that maybe mom has slowed down her drinking which is about all that I can ask for. Who knows what happened to spur this? I’m not sure. But I’m glad that it’s happening.
Things between Kyle and I are really good. I pretty much couldn’t be happier, less the ability to erase pasts. I found out that the other Jessica got pretty upset when she found out about Kyle and I and I guess I just felt really bad about it. I mean, I had no idea until a few days ago that she was even still in the picture… but I’m not sure I even would’ve handled things differently had I known. Cos basically what happened to her was about half as bad as what happened to Joe especially and also kind of Tyler so I don’t know. I think I pretty obviously would have still fucked her over. I feel really bad for what I did to those boys. I wish I would’ve been more considerate of their feelings throughout the entire process of my getting into a relationship with kyle, but certainly on that Valentine’s Day. I shouldn’t have broken Joe’s heart as such and if I had it to go back and do over, I’d be much more adult about it. Dammit. Why am I such an asshole?