Knuckle down
I’m sort of freaked out about turning 21. It makes me feel like I’m somehow an adult. Though I’ve been trying to cancel out the drama that I created over the past six months of my life lately. I’m trying to let go the bullshit people do to me and just rise above it. I’m also trying not to create any extra drama. There’s that.
My horoscope says not to make any longterm commitments today. That’s good because the only committment I’m willing to make is to tomorrow. This probably means I should wait on the job offer if that’s what the community center is writing about. Who knows?
I feel better today. Not nearly as doubtful and depressed. I need to start taking my antidepressants in the morning, otherwise by the midevening I pretty much want to cry and slit my wrists or something. Luckily, it’s not a pressing need. So I generally just cry some. I think the pills make you crazier. But I’ll keep taking them.
I’ve been watching this flick called Lie With Me. It’s basically just sex. It’s really pretty though… and the dialogue is sort of poignant. And I think that I sort of relate to a lot of the dialogue. It’s basically about this girl who is unhealthily into sex. Does that describe me? Maybe. I think that by the time I reach the end of the movie I’ll have some insight into myself. If not, it’s really pretty still.