let's pretend we're in antartica
ah, so i’m finally going to update my blog. and i have so much to say that i’ve actually felt the need to outline this entry so that I don’t forget anything because I’ve had a really pretty stellar few weeks since I last updated and I would hate to leave something out.
First, the last time I really posted I mentioned that I was going to spend Labor Day with Kyle in carbondale, or more that I was going to spend Labor Day Weekend with Kyle and then drive home to work on actual labor day. I had an awesome time. The drive in went by really slowly, in part because I was anxious, in part because I had a long long long lunch, and in part because there was a wreck on i70 that slowed traffic to 20 miles per hour average. Oi. I stopped in Columbia and had lunch with Duker at Moe’s in part cos you’ve gotta start knocking out delicious carbondale food on route to Carbondale or you just won’t have time for everything you want to eat by the time you get to Illinois for just a few days. Also, it’s always nice to have some conversations with Duker. Lunch was delicious and a little bit long but I finished my whole burrito and eventually made it back on the road. When I got to Carbondale, late, Kyle grilled and then we went to the liquor store. I wanted to go to the bar cos I was in the mood for shots but instead I was talked into drinkin at the house so I bought all the stuff needed to make washington apples. That night we learned the following: Jess of right now:Apple Pucker::Jess of three years ago:Vodka. We woke up the next day and had a pretty relaxing time around the apartment until we went to his friend Brandon’s place and hung out with them while they grilled. We got Don Taco and went to the bars at about 10 or so and we were in by one a.m. I’ve apparently civilized Kyle. He seemed kind of bitter about it that night, but in a good way. Sunday, we went to a winery with Duran and Neely. That was an adventure. I had a really awesome time, but Kyle was so silly cos we got like 5 tastes for a dollar. So Duran and Neely got a pitcher of Sangria that was so amazingly delicious. And Kyle and I got our tastes. Kyle tastes one thing. Then gets another taste of the same thing. Then buys a bottle of it and gives me his other tastes. That kid is so nervous about wine. I had fun with my 8 samples and had some of the sangria… yummy. They have this porte called Framboise (strawberry obviously) that was delicious. The rest of it varied between being very good and moderately good and bad. I’m kind of picky about my wine though. All-in-all it was a really awesome weekend. I’m glad that Kyle and I just pick up where we left off after we spend time apart.
The following week I started to get a little sick. Mostly I just had lots of sinus headaches and a bad migraine on Tuesday. Wednesday, Colby was in town so we went out cos he was sleeping at my place. This resulted in the best night ever, esp for a Wednesday. First of all, I love having weeknights off. An evening that I can spend doing whatever makes me so happy. So I was super excited about that night. Colby came over for a bit in the evening (This is where my last pseudopost occured.) and then I met him later at the Cowboy where fun insued. First of all, I was so nervous about the Cowboy because it’s terribly white trash and gangster at the same time. I’m also unsure about clubs because I don’t like dance floors where people don’t dance… or do i? it turns out that the cowboy dance floor is like a live-action reality tv show. The floor is only full, but not crowded, when there is a slow country song. The rest of the time there are at max four clusters of people (or people going solo) dancing. You get to watch blue-shirt guy try to hook up with white-shirt girl. You get to see plaid-shirt-guy making a fool of himself trying to dance. You get to see two girls trying to dance together in an attempt to bait some unsuspecting male on the dance floor. Oh my. You even get hit on by sixty year olds because Colby’s an ass and is way late so you sit alone playing with your phone. Who could avoid that much fun? Mostly i was just excited because Bud Select was cheap. Not that Bud Select is ever expensive. But it’s better when it’s cheap. After the Cowboy we decided we should make it to the Trap where we ran into Justin and Dave. I run into Justin everytime I go to the Apple store which for whatever reason has made us slightly better friends. So i was very excited to get to interact socially with him. I was swindled into being a davette during baby got back. :sigh: I was also swindled into karaoke with Colby, which was mostly awesome. You all really know how i adore situations that are seemingly unexpected. I live for those moments that end movies: where you find yourself dancing with the girl you’ve been pissed about all summer cos she’s fucking your exboyfriend and you gain a sense of closure, where someone apologizes for something they’ve done years ago that you’re not mad about but marks a new chapter in your friendship, where you hallucinate with a boy whose floor you’re crashing on in a city you’re visiting and you met the boy three years ago when you were straight edge and he was a huge fan of chomsky’s media critiques. I’m always filled with a sense of nostalgia and a realization that everything is always changing. And even if you don’t believe in progress, sometimes you can believe that it really is always getting better. So by the end of the night Colby and I were singing Santa Monica by Everclear together and I realized that he’s now one of my better friends, way beyond elevated out of the exboyfriend category in my life, and that it’s really sweet how relationships grow and change and transcend. After that, we headed to James’s so that I could get a little bit sober before we went back to my place. That’s where the night went south for Colby. As for me, I had a wonderful conversation with James’s roommate Ben.
Last weekend, Kyle came into town. He got in Thursday and we partied with the debaters. Friday was much of the same, but at BWW not Joe Allen’s. And I got to hang out with Nate that night and we ended up at the former Goose Too which was having a sucky night, but we had enough fun. The next day I took Nate back to his place and then hung out with Kyle until I went to work. We ended up at Pigskins that night with the Tech crowd which was fun. Then we got all kinds of fucked up at Joe Allens (well, I got all kinds of fucked up.) and later there was IHOP. I was underimpressed with the crepes, ps. They did not give me enough sour creme. I like the desert menu crepe best, it turns out.
I’ve pretty much been immobile and sick since Kyle left. I’m better as of sometime yesterday morning in terms of pressure but Monday-Thursday i was a mess. This all culminated with me having a breakdown in the history department because too many people were making too many demands of me. And I’m having a terrible conflict of interest about what I want to do with the next year. I feel like history makes me jaded and cynical. I’m not nearly as involved or idealistic as I once was. I now view things like feminism and enviornentalism or animal rights or all those things I used to get really fired up about as some sort of 2D description of an historical reality. I feel unconvinced of beauty. I might take the LSAT. I’m definitely going to cut some things out of my life, in attempt to have evenings every now and then, or maybe just to have some time to be still. The radio was talking about Psalm 46:10 which says “Be Still and Know that I am God.” I want time to do that. I’m so excited for next year when I don’t have so many things floating around. I want to spend time with Kyle. I want to have evenings to do homework or watch tv or movies or anything. I want to make dinner with my boyfriend/fiance/husband and eat it together. It’s nice that I don’t have to wait until 9 p.m., realistically midnight, to call my boyfriend cos I’m on sprint now. But I’m so excited for us to be a family. And for my life to get started.
I feel like the Topeka chapter of my life has ended and I’m just stuck on the last page which will be written in an uneventful flourish by the author. That’s depressing. To liberate myself from this feeling I’m trying to spend more time with James, Emily, and the other people that I’ll miss when I’m gone next year. My family.
I take the GRE on Monday. I’m excited to have it be done. I’m confident that I’ll do well. I’ll keep you updated.
I think that I’m going to change the style of jeans I wear. From Low-rise to Mid-rise. At least as long as long shirts are in, jeans will have to be higher to meet fashion standards. Plus, I kind of like how they look. Oh, and there is new ani. AND they have released a game called Worms 2 for the DS. Ohfuckyes. We will fight the battle of Worms on my DS. I am so excited I cannot handle it.