How many times can I be a loner, dottie?
Lately, I find myself lonely. My sleep schedule is all crazy again because I really have nothing to do when I get off work at night and a lot of the time I have really no obligations until later in the day so I find myself up blogging at 3:34 a.m. Instead, I fill my time with sort of meaningless things. I just help out around the house and that’s about all that there is that I do. I’m scheduling more things on campus because I think that’s important and it’s really nice to have the time to schedule those things. I also have whole days open to do research which is pretty grand.
“Come tomorrow. I’ll be on my way back home. In the morning, call from a roadside telephone. One night, doesn’t mean the rest of my life. If I go it’s not impossible, but possible is probably wrong. So, let go because I’m afraid to try. I’ll keep my hands by my side. I won’t come back. I hope someday you’ll understand. I want to try and make it right, ut I don’t know if I can. Last night, everything was right and the rain was gone. One summer’s night’s the only time we know. Shut your eyes, when you wake up I’ll be gone.” ?? The Get Up Kids, I’m a Loner Dottie… A Rebel
I want to write a novel. Like maybe if this was fiction I could glamorize it all and it wouldn’t hurt quite so bad. Or it wouldn’t hurt quite the same. Maybe I’d finish the book and feel like this was a chapter that I could end. Wouldn’t that be nice? If I could look back on this as one semi-coherent piece of literature that has a clear opening (which it does) and the only literary climax i’ve ever lived through and if this falling action weren’t quite so limiting I bet I could do it. And I bet I can still write pretty prose when I try. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. To the point that I’d probably even try it. I’ve been thinking about the parts of the story that I would change if I had the last three years to re-write.
I’d experience you in a much sexier context than before. You would not even be mentioned. And what is the possibility that when I recreate you, I would give you your real name because I don’t remember it. Maybe it was Cody? But that’s… so American.