To make you see me

Jess on July 15, 2007

So.

Today.

I was listening to Last.fm’s Artists Similar to the Decemberists which is what I do (with all bands I like) to find new good bands that are similar to them.  and this song came on and i was like “this isn’t bad who is it…?” which is a statement i only utter once every five songs or so in part cos i already know most of the bands they play and in part cos the bands i don’t know are out of my repertoire for a reason.  It was the Flaming Lips.

I’m pissed.

The thing is, i’m kind of sentimental about Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots.  But liking things on Finally the Punk Rockers are Taking Acid is just out of the question. Out. of. the. Question.

In other news… a story that you all can’t keep up with cos you couldn’t read yesterday’s entry… archiving my blog is going pretty well.  I’m at the part of my life that I like and I’m really happy to see how well it all went.  It’s great to know that everything was exactly how you remembered it.  All the good things and the bad ones.  And it’s good to be living where I know how the story ends and it is very good.  Love love love.

Wedding bells ring so loudly

Jess on July 15, 2007

Mass today was pretty awesome.  It was officiated by the Archbishop because they were installing a new priest, Fr. Brian Schreiber.  I liked him a lot. I’ll prolly keep going to Most Pure Heart because they have an 11:30 service, I like the priest, and it’s convenient.  Of course, Christ the King is more convenient and their preist is nice too… but i just kind of like the service and the people better at Most Pure Heart.  You can tell that they still really care.  I would go to assumption still but I kind of want to start doing any earlier mass.  I want to pretend to be a grown-up.

Anyway, the point of this entry is that the Archbishop explained the role of the priest and the importance of celibacy during the homily which is when he installs the new priest to show the importance of the priest to the eucharist ritual and the importance of the eucharist to the church.  So… install he did.  And he talked about how priests stay celibate because the role of the husband/father means that the husband must consult the wife before any changes which would affect the entire family.  I really pictured the husband and wife as one coherent unit when he said that and I think it really helped my love of the Catholic church.  Obviously, it’s not that the primary concern of the husband should not be Christ as well… it’s just that being a priest frees you from the obligation of marriage.  I think that the Catholic view on this really reflects the importance of the marital bond moreso than perhaps other churches.  And I’d never really thought of celibacy in the priesthood as being something which reaffirms the strength and power of the marriage but it turns out it does.

I think I’ll really like the new priest a lot… and it was fun to meet the archbishop as well.  They had priest cookies at the reception after mass!!! haha.  they were like little gingerbread shaped sugar cookies with priest suits drawn on.  I’d have eaten them but the suits looked markered in and I didn’t trust them… esp cos they were laying on the table not on plates.  Still.  Adorable. I think every Catholic function from now on should have priest cookies.

A Tuesday in July, et cetera

Jess on July 12, 2007

Kyle, eating at Lulu's.Our date on Tuesday started by us waking up and talking about plans.  Luckily, we both basically agreed on the major details: thai food, mccoys, lots of friends for dinner.  I wanted to see La Vie En Rose as well, which kyle consented to and knew about before morning, but I doubt it was exactly in his set of plans.    Oh well, though, it was still great.

After we got around and let the dog out and all of those fine things that people do when its morning, we headed forMe, eating at Lulu's Midtown for the thai noodle house, Lulu’s, that i’ve been meaning to go to for years now.  It was completely delicious.  I’m not even kidding.  It’s pretty fairly priced, especially for Thai food.  And the atmosphere is really cute.  Picture a Zen Zero which isn’t trying as hard.  It’s like a fun little bar with Thai food.  And the food was good too.  My only complaints are that my food wasn’t spicy which was really a function of the thing I ordered which was absolutely delicious… and that you can’t subsistute for Tofu on the lunch menu unless it already is a vegetarian/tofu meal.  So that was a bummer… but it’s only about 27 cents you save on the lunch menu so that wouldn’t be too big of a deal…. of course i ended up ordering something 3 dollars more expensive on the regular food menu.  Everyone in Kansas City should eat at Lulu’s. You’ll love it like you love Thai food.  I promise.

After Lunch, we went to McCoys for some 2 dollar pints.  I’m addicted to their Ginger Shandy, literally, the first time I had a sip I said “Welp, if I’m not an alcoholic this is going to do it to me.”  Kyle and I, at McCoysIt’s brewed in house. and they brew it with Ginger and Lemonade, which I think makes it completely fantastic. Especially in the summer.  It’s basically the blush wine of beers and even though it seems girly, it’s a good beer so you don’t feel bad drinking it.  And did I mention the lemonade in it? Cos if I didn’t…  let me stress it.  Yum.  We had a good time at McCoys for a few drinks before the movie.  Kyle had to have a few drinks cos I promised him that he could have some since I was making him read a movie that was in French no less.  I don’t think he ended up minding the movie too much… but it prolly helped that he wasn’t dreading it quite as badly.

The movie, La Vie En Rose, was amazing, I thought.  Mostly, I liked everything that made the movie come together.  I think the acting was great, especially the woman who played Edith Piaf, Marion Cotillard.  It’s probably pretty easy to play a diva who wants everything her way like Edith Piaf was portrayed… but the acting in the scenes when she was upset just seemed very sincere.  The writing/directing was done by the same fella and it was also pretty impressive.  They oscillated between the story of her life and the end of her life throughout the movie and it was really well done.  Especially when it all came together in the final scene… with my favorite Edith Piaf song, no less.  It was awesome.  It’s interesting to me how directors put biographies together.  Esp when it’s not an autobiography or based on one or anything.  I think the way we tell stories about others says so much about ourself or just society in general.  The movie made me think a lot about why he portrayed her in the way that he did and what commentary he was making on her life and lives in general.  The movie was pretty good though and I’m glad I went to see it.  Prolly could’ve stood to cut about 20 minutes, but I don’t really know where the minutes would come from… so I get not cutting them.

After the movie, we went shopping at World Market for ingredients for Thai food thenThai dinner time! we had our KC friends over for dinner.  Nick and Jessica, Chris and Kristin, Banks and Big Papa, Phil and Rachel.  Plus the two of us.  It was a good quadruple-date plus Banks and Big Papa. Lol.   I made Pad Thai with vermicelli noodles, egg, beanKyle at dinner sprouts and fried tofu plus we had seafood cold spring rolls which were a big hit according to everyone.  Kyle grilled asparagus which is our new favorite thing and we tossed some sweet chili garlic sauce on it for a thai-kick since they don’t actually eat asparagus in thailand as far as we know.  Yummy.  And there was white rice.  Of course.  But I don’t know how much that matters.  Rice is rice. There was a Sheridan’s run at Kristin’s request after dinner and then lots of drinking and poker and All-Star Game watching! Yay!

Next week I want to do a sushi night with my washburn debate friends but it might have to wait another paycheck before it happens… We’ll see how it goes.

Today, we golfed.  At the driving range.  Kyle’s so awesome.  Even when I suck at golf and can’t hit the ball let alone hit it far, he’s really nice and patient and just gives me advice.  And then I get better at golfing and everything is wonderful and I’m so happy to have such a great boyfriend.

Improper dancing

Jess on July 9, 2007

I have a new life policy.  I spend an hour by the pool every day.  Three days in and my hair and skin are new summery-colors and I couldn’t be a happier little bear. Hooray!

My job is good.  It was slow last night… cos we had too many people.  But we were all training and stuff so hopefully later it won’t be that bad.  I’m excited about getting the hang of the system. It was more complicated that I expected and I’ve already forgotten to take a magnet out of the dvd security system.  Agggh. But whatever.  I like it.  I think things are going to be very good.

I’m a little less poor today. But only by about 20 dollars.  I’m lucky I invest in non-perishables instead of stocks and bonds.

There's a light at the end of this tunnel

Jess on July 6, 2007

I’m really bad off financially. Like. Seriously. I’m in a bad spot. But, things will get better and I know that.  I’m working two jobs now so I feel like I’m doing the most I can to make things better. When summer ends, I’ll be working four and going to school full-time.  I’ll also have some financial aid rolling in.  The thing about all of it is that whenever I look around I realize I’m surrounded by so many amazing things and people.  It just doesn’t make sense to get bummed out about anything.  I love it.

Since that summer where I started to hate who I was becoming, I’ve felt like my life peaked at 18 and that I’d just never feel that happy again. But all of those thoughts are over now.  I look around my living room at any time and I see a whole set of friends who I love and who love me back and we’re like a family.  My biggest inconvenience is that I accidentally had a party :).  I feel so comfortable and happy.  It just doesn’t matter that a lot of things about this week have been shitty.

Fourth of July was great.  Kyle and I spent it together, doing what it is that Kyle and I usually do… cuddling, watching Law and Order, taking naps… and grilling.  His mom and dad called us at 3 and were like “remember how we said we’d be home by noon?  uh… we need you to get dinner on the table, we’ll be home in time to eat it.” lol.  So cook we did.  Kyle and I spent about two hours in the kitchen just the two of us (and the dog), cleaning and seasoning asparagus, adding kc barbecue sauce to the vegetarian baked beans to make it taste perfect, husking/cleaning/buttering/wrapping sweet corn and making burgers both vegetarian and some for his family. It just felt so… right. I’m looking forward to a lifetime of that.

The whole time I was in town was peppered with visits from his friends and when he’s in town the same is true.  I feel like he is actually friends with my frieends which means he’s not only trying to be friends with them but also succeeding.  It’s not like some sort of thing he does just for me in most cases… its like he genuinely gets along with them.  And I adore that. And I think his friends are liking me.  I’m hoping everyone will gather for the Fiesta this year cos I’m so excited to go.  maybe I’ll make some deliciously vegetarian authenticish mexican food.  with potatoes and peas in it.  just like i hated growing up but occasionally crave now.

And it’s been Autumn since the day that I met you/If I hit bottom must I crawl out alone?/And I dont wish to know the secrets of summer at all//We’re 21 and invincible – Something Corporate, “21 and invincible”

Hey. Wait. I've got a new complaint.

Jess on July 5, 2007

My car died.  I’m pretty sad about it, but mostly I figure there’s really nothing I can do.  Dad’s convinced its cos I didn’t put oil in it… but I promise.  There was oil.  There just isn’t oil now because its got a crack and it’s leaking oil all over.  He’d know this if he looked under the hood and saw the massive amount of oil there.

On the bright side, I’ll get a new car soon.  And everything will probably be alright.  Nothing really matters anyway.

Also, I’m listening to Jimmy Carr standup which I’m excited about.  (He’s the host of distracted).  I’ve been pretty interested in hearing his standup cos I heard I’d like him for about a year and a half.  But after I downloaded it I realized I don’t pay attention to people talking on headphones so I had to wait for Tonya’s wedding when we listened to Dane Cook on the drive down there and I realized it was hilarious.  And that stand-up on tape rocks.

The girls are losing their minds and the boys aren't far behind

Jess on June 30, 2007

I got the job at Family Video. That’s so exciting! I’m really happy about it because I just feel like the job is going to be a good fit. I’ve already written about how difficult it is for me to find a new job that I like and when I showed up for the skills test and later for the interview with the district manager I still had the feeling that I’d like to work in the store a whole lot. I suppose I should address this as it happened. The skills test basically blew me away. I’m not going to say it was hard or anything, because for the most part I think it was probably scored really realistically and that I probably killed the competition. I’m a standardized tester. It’s sort of my thing. But the test was so incredibly taxing. Because it wasn’t like the ACT or GRE or even the SAT where they sort of mix up the difficulty of the teste (well the GRE doesn’t… but they mix up the kind of questions you’re answering… and if you start to suck cos yr tired then you’ll get easier questions for a smidge). So this test just got progressively more difficult as you went on and it was timed. The longest section was 10 and a half minutes and that was math word problems. The hardest question on the test was “What is the square root of 20736?” I’m not kidding. The answer is 144, i found out later. I figured it would be sometehing like that. But seriously. What were they thinking. There’s just next to no way I would even do the work to figure that out mentally. After an hour and a quarter of skills test or so… I was freed from the video store to await my test results. Rock. By about 3:30 or so I was sitting in the history department and received a call from Tyler (the manager) asking if I could come for the final part of the interview where I sit down with the district manager.

My interview with the district manager went incredibly well. She’d just purchased the shirt I was wearing a few days prior at Old Navy. She’s a catholic. We both like to talk all the time. She’s abrasive in that way that I like in people. It was awesome. So eventually trying to figure out if I’d be a good hire turned into just shooting the breeze with me turned into offering me a job. I only make 6.5 starting out but they move me up to seven in like 20 days or something. That’s exciting. And I’m happy to have something else to do for a change. I’m still working at the Cap-J and probably won’t stop that anytime soon. I’m just glad that I have nights and weekends during which I can work. I start Friday probably.

I’m sort of inspired to write new poetry again. I’d been in another dry spell, save that poem that I didn’t like that much about drinking Ginger Shandy at McCoys with Kyle and Banks/sleeping on Banks’ floor with Kyle. These ones should be good. One is exploring metaphor of breaking up. The other is a frank look at body image and what it means and how i struggle with it. I might try to work on them in a bit here at work, but I think they’re the kind of poems you hand-write on notebook paper and then type. They’re definitely not the kind that you just type outright. They’re not going to come that easily. When I finish these words you will see your face in them and never think to ask me who’sitabout?

The second poem is inspired by my trip to Target with my mom. We went to lunch then we went to buy polos.  The thing is, I really like my body most of the time.  But i’m at that point where clothes shopping is just really difficult.  My weight is stable right now… which is both good and bad.  But I don’t know.  Shopping with mom is frustrating. Cos I feel like she basically just tells me that I’m fat and look unnattractive in everything I try on.  I practically had a panic attack before I left the dressing room for the first time today and then couldn’t come out in anything.  Agh.  Frustrating.

All our goodnights

Jess on June 29, 2007

Logan has lived here for a full twenty-four hours and I think things are all going well.  He still prefers to be under the bed, but he did climb up onto the bed three whole times last night! It was really cute.  He’s also decided he’s no longer boycotting food/water and the litterbox like he was yesterday.  He didn’t have any accidents or anything, he just held it I guess.  Kyle bought him a collar and a little jingle for it.  The jingle just says LOGAN and my phone number and then the city. It’s cute.  And it’s nice cos you know where he’s coming.

Upbeats and beatdowns

Jess on June 28, 2007

Dear Jess, The heaviness is lifted off your shoulders and your heart. Difficult circumstances that have been weighing on you for too long are now transforming from heavy metals into spiritual gold. The philosopher’s stone may be working magic for you now, but you cannot take anything for granted. Temper your excitement with humility and gratitude.

Oh yes. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yes.  By the way. I received word that I’d taken second for the Rehkopf award which is pretty sweet. It means I get a little cash which I desperately, desperately need.  And it’s an honor.  Yay for papers about Kansas!

Also, my mom and i aren’t fighting.  Cos I’m getting a second job.  And she let me move Logan into his home finally.

And Logan is around the house.  And he likes me and he likes the house, it seems. He was so adorable, snooping about and taking it all in.  Then he hid under the bed cos that’s what cats do for their first day in a new place.  I love him.  And I love living there.  It’s so much fun.  And I like eating in all the time.  It’s great. I like having a list of to-dos at a place which belongs to me.