Category: Poetry

you ask me how it feels to look into your eyes.
sometimes it feel like looking for a raindrop in a clear sky.
you tell me you wish you could see inside of me
I’ve looked inside of you, there’s nothing.

you ask me what i think being in love means.
it means that suddenly your scared to be lonely.
it means that all you can think about is losing it.
but maybe that’s not love.
and maybe this isn’t you doing the asking.
maybe this isn’t nothing.
but i say love is what i feel.
and i stay.

you ask me my opinion on global warming.
i say something has to fill the void
that coldness is creating in our hearts.
at least something makes our stomachs turn.

you turn you head.
and i stay.

these tears don’t fall all by themselves.
You pull them out of my eyes.
like definition of muscle from your thighs show when you get angry.
you’re nothing special, you’re just something.
from good to bad you’ve mastered it all.
like it’s some acomplishment.
a journey that everyone notices but denies.

fuck you and fuck them too.

when you touch your face, my knees feel weak.
when you touch my face, i feel weak.
you used to be gentle
i used to find comfort in your grasp
now i feel brusies.
i’m so incessantly stupid.
i know it’s true because you said it.

fuck you and fuck them too.

i tell myself i could walk away.
but you’re my first hit
you take it out on me.
i take it out on myself.
i deserve all of this,
you are my first it of cocaine.
i’m going to chase you forever.
chase you off the cliffs you say i’m plummetting to hell from.
because i’m such a fucking whore.
yeah well :

fuck you and fuck them too.

we talk about you in past tense
now you’re so far gone
our memories are faded
just like photographs
tacked to the wall
with the angle that the sun falls
it’s all turned white and black.
there’s nothing more there.

we talk about it with hushed voices.
you mean nothing anymore.
we don’t even cry about it.
we just sit and laugh about it
how dumb we were
to believe in you
but deep down we feel like whores.
i let you use me.

we slowly drain the blood from our veins.
you were every everything to every everyone of us.
but now we don’t know how to breathe
we don’t remember how it feels to break.
we’re so sarcastic we’re not admitting anything about you.

we talk about you in past tense

waffle cones, hot fudge brownie.
and flat bread sandwiches.
that i can’t eat.
they sound like a poem
that i would write.
i think that you would be the best thing for me.

when he’s so stressed out
he starts yelling
and pounding on my self-esteem
he knows all of the ways to make me cry.
and he does it so easily, smoothly.
with most people it’s like tearing sclera with a butter knife.
not for him.
but you pick me up,
off the ground, out of my brain.
you make it all okay again.

‘i never said thank you for that..
thought i’d get one more chance’

you’re nothing short of perfect.
i’d go anywhere for you.
i’d do anything for you.
(of course, i wouldn’t doubt love for you.
with you, i know it’s true.)
you’re wonderful.

do you remember how pretty the fireworks were in the sky?
that’s alright, neither do i.

am i your heroine
can you still feel the burning?
i saved you for the first time.
am i still saving you from myself?
am i protecting you from everyone?
maybe i’m good enough:
the strongest little girl in the world.
you treat me like i’m fragile.
you break with me, all the time.
can i still tell you everything?
will you still drown in all of my lies?
let this crash/bam/slam melody own you.
like me, it can take you away.
your fears. your hapiness.
i’m nothing : a wreck, a fuck-up, a failure.
i’m everything perfect : smart, pretty.
i still use my cruthes.
i’m beautiful when i bleed.
i’ll be your everything still
i need to feel wanted
let me feed your addiction
can i still make you someone?
can we go away together?
i’m still so in love with you.
i’m still hating me.
oh please oh please don’t go
i can’t stand here alone.

it’s me again.
i’m that girl that sits at her register.
thinking about how great it would be
to fall in love with you.

hello, how are you.
i’m that girl that sits at her register.
thinking about how 10 dollars is a small price
to pay to hear your voice.

what’ve you been up to.
i’m that girl that sits at her register.
thinking out things like truth and innocence
two words i know nothing about.

i’m sorry. i have to go.
i’m that girl that sits at her register.
thinking about how i’m not good enough
to even get a glimpse of you.

goodbye, goodnight.
i’m that girl that sits at her register.
thinking about how great it would feel
to hear you promise me forever.

with cardboard for wings
i’ll fly away from here.
lifted by nothing but my dreams
and the promise that you can forget memories.
i’ll fly away from here.
won’t you fly with me?
i promised not to let you go.
on the ground or in the air.
we can be like angels.
making up for lost time
all of those days in our childhood we spent crying.
all of those times we considered dying.
i promised that it will get better than this.
on the ground or in the air.
with cardboard for wings.
we’ll get the fuck away from here.

i’m wearing a smile that never dies.
i’m wrapped up in your lies.
i’m in love with the sparkles in your eyes.
this feeling will lead to my demise.

oh and you leave me so broken.

you accentuate my fears.
in my sleep i’m flooded with tears.
i see through you like the holes in my ears
i’m drawn to you like an alcoholic to beers.

oh and you leave me so broken.

from you.. i want to go away
i’m sick of living in the text of this play
and i just can’t wait one more day
i don’t care what you have to say

oh and you leave me so broken.

i like the way it feels to dress up like ken.
i’m not in love with anything but memories then.
and your affection is just a token.
a dance, a dream, of times i was unbroken.

so yes it’s true.
i’ve been quasi-avoiding you.
but i’d never tell you that.
because i’d never hear your voice again.
and i’d never let you think
for one second
that you were winning this game.
or that i even thought that i might be losing.

so yes it’s true.
i feel all of these things for you.
and i know you better than anyone.
i think that’s safe to say.
and i really really like you.
i’d go so far as to say love.
and not doubt it.

so yes it’s true.
it hurts a little to think about you.
and your voice saying to her ‘i love you’
and i’m so fucking paranoid.
that i can’t ask, it hurts less to just assume.
and it bothers me that i still feel this way
i’m still so in love with me.
(who i used to be)

so yes it’s true.
i’m still in love with you.
and you still go on, living.
you still go on without me.
without even realizing.
i want to knock on your head and say hello.
the student has a full six pack but is missing the little plastic thing that holds it all together

so yes it’s true.
maybe this is a little bit more
than just work-related stress.
but it’s fucking hard to tell.
i’m so godammed vague these days.

scent.
that causes a repeat of my inhale.
an inhale that takes my breath away,
again and again and again.
your scent that draws me in.
did i even mean to say i love you?
your scent that i avoid.
that i hate.
that i want.
your scent.

“there’s nothing to lose if i don’t try”