Category: Poetry

i’m a little bit paranoid.
i always have this feeling that you’re watching me.
i seem to hear my name in all of your whispers
you’re voice is so faint that you can’t hear me screaming.
shut up. shut up. shut up.

and despite what i think
you don’t care about this.
and despite what i thought
you weren’t who I said you were.
and even though, even though i can’t let you go.
i’m so redundant.
shut up. shut up. shut up.

you used to tell me you’d give me the world.
apparently it was just a loan.
and everything you’ve said tome
everything fades to black.
everything is meaningless, everything is nothing.
shut up. shut up. shut up.

i can feel your eyes from across the room.
they’re like the knives that tear across my arms.
i can feel you voice, it’s hot on my neck.
i can hear you talking.
shut up. shut up. shut up.

oh god i wish i had a guitar.
maybe i’d learn to play louder
than those voices in my head.
they sound like your voice.
shut up. shut up. shut up.

her eyes closed; her heart broken:
there she lies on the bed
wishing this would all melt away.
she can watch her tears dry.
but when her blood falls it leaves a stain.
she can turn her head:
movement, breaking one thousand glances,
but she can’t break the sting of this disease.
sickness is her friend
a held hand while she’s dying inside.
her facade of emotion : unfaltering.
while externally, manually controlled knives intentionally falter;
shattering once-like-porcelain skin.
she thinks that this is comfort.
there’s solace in the pain
she writes this off as normal–
an everyday break from an everyday pain
–and you can’t make this feeling for her,
you only control her mental agony.
when she feels the familiar pain,
that sting of flesh tearing,
she’s in control of everything.
and that’s a wonderful way to feel.

one time i heard you whisper
what do you want out of this?
i looked into your eyes, “i’m yours forever
i want nothing more than to always feel your kiss.”
i wanted everything i could give you.

once you rubbed my shoulders as i glanced out the window.
i stared off into the distance.
but you are like my favorite tv show.
and you bring me out of my trance.
i just fall into you.

i don’t want to know how it feels to miss you.
you’re the greatest.
i wanna spend always and forever with you.
you’re my boy. not just my latest.
i don’t want to remember how it feels to not be blanketed in love.

i’ve got my boxes all packed up.
and i guess i’ll be going now.
i’m sorry, i’m sorry baby
but this isn’t the way i’m supposed to feel.

despite all of the nights
i fell asleep between your arms
between the matress and the covers.
This just isn’t enough.
it isn’t enough anymore.

and as your heart beats
and as your tears fall
and as i shut the door.
my stomach is sinking.
i used to tell you i’d never hurt you.
but that’s all i seem to be good at lately.

you taught me how to feel
broken,broken, .b.r.o.k.e.n.
you taught me how to feel
nothing, nothing, .n.o.t.h.i.n.g.

i’ve got my boxes all packed up.
and i guess i’ll be going now.

hen was the last time that i told you i love you.
oh yeah youve never heard those words coming out of my mouth.
when was the last time that i said i’d love to hold you.
oh yeah i’ve never said anything like that to you.

and i can relate to every word you say
because i feel the exact same way
about you. about you.
you and you’re strawberry kiss of summer lip gloss
and i can’t seem to get you off my mind.
and i find myself thinking about you all the time.
and i find myself wondering about how this could be.
you don’t seem to appreciate my honesty.
so i hide.
i hide from myself.

i’m catching frogs and running errands
i’m trying to forget all of this pain that i’m feeling.
if i could just peel off this layer of skin
maybe then you’d cry too.
and it could be like our own indie film
i’m convinced that we’d win sundance.
i’m convinced that you’re the best for me.
so why am i so dumb?
why can’t i just say it.
just tell you.

when i hear you call..
..i’ve been waiting for you.

sometimes i wish that i could crawl inside your soul
maybe you could make it all better for me.
i wish that you would crawl inside my arms
maybe you’d believe me when i said that everything will be okay. someday.
i wish that everything would be just fine for you.

and you don’t know how much i care.
but i can only think of you.
and i’m overexaggerating to express emotional truths.
i feel like if i cry too much
my heart will just cave in.
but i’d rather feel like i was dead.
than to feel this way again.
most of all i wish : that you want it this way too.

oh please just tell me.
that you love me, that you want me.
that i can try all of these new things with you.
oh please just let me.
beacuse it seems like such a waste of time
to feel this way and not say anything.

i only wish you knew.
that i could be everything for you.
but instead i stand here:
stupid, silent.

i’m mute.
you’re blind.

with you and i it was never an if.
it was just how long we’d wait.
until i could hold you and you could hold me.
it quit being about teenage love
and i learned how to care about happiness.
and not just mine.

when i look into the setting sky
i can see you the first time we kissed.
when i lay, supine, on the wet grass
i can still feel your hand holding mine.
when i hear the wind, blowing in the trees.
i can still hear you’re voice. comforting me.
and you’re my everything.

you touched me and made me feel things
or feel ways that i’d never felt before.
you’re arms are like a security blanket
you’re my skinny white boy teddy bear.
but you’ve recently developed a tan.
so something is changing.
but i’m still so in love.
and i feel giddy like a little girl.
but i like it this way.
i don’t want to remember, how i used to feel

i don’t think that i’m so pretty anymore.
only when i’m with you.
but when can i see you again?
and you’re misinterpreting what i say.
it’s leaving me on the verge of tears.
but it’s where i’m most comfortable.
i’ve spent so many days getting sunburned.

just because this is the last lyric of this song.
doesn’t mean that the album is over.

oh oh my dear you’re cynical.
you’re just what i need.
You’re sitting there in your bracelets.
thinking about the way you need them.
you say they make you feel secure
in your own little S&M way.
you say it’s easier than talking to people.
they’ll make they’re judgments anyways

you’re thinking about the time
on the way home from the museum.
you realized that those feelings
we’re real; and that was okay.
you’re thinking ‘i am so weird.
How did i get this fucked up?
i swear to you i fucking suck’
but that’s just the way we play the game.

you’re singing a brand new anthem
from your favorite band’s most recent cd
the lyrics spin themselves around in your head
the lyrics make it all okay
you tears seem to dry there on your face.
and you say :
‘little girl you’re in the middle of the ride.. everything everything will be just fine’
sometimes you smile as if you believe it
but usually you pass it off as a lie
and you were fine.

you can be a little bit bitchy sometimes.
sometimes you’re insecure.
sometimes you’re judging books by their covers
but larry isn’t as pretty when he’s in the light.
and you’re not as beautiful
when you’re alone inside at night.

oh sweet and innocent angel.
how sad it is that you must learn
the trials of this world.
and i’m sorry i couldn’t hold you when you left.
i’m sorry that i couldn’t take away your pain
god knows i tried.
god know that when you were gone i cried.
i remember you with your little bow.
and i remember the way you used to bark in the morning
by the gate. you’d just wait.
and someone would come and talk to you and hold you

and i feel like a little girl
because i’m crying during class.
but i’m just a little maudlin
i’m just a little sentimental.
i’m just a litle lugubrious
i miss her.