Category: Uncensored

I think your opinion about your bloodline is bizarre given your take on blood quantum. i just don’t see it mattering that much. I also think that the reasoning why I am intelligent has less to do with my nature and more to do with my nurture i was nurtured into a love of reading by my grandfather who read to me all the time before he died. my favorite books were Baby’s Big House and the Illustrated Children’s Bible. i know this because i know i loved my grandfather very, very much and the only memories i have of him are from being read to on his lap. my babysitters daughter loves (and always has loved) kids so much that she grew up to be a social worker, just finished her masters, and when i was little she wanted to be a teacher because we didn’t know about social workers then and she played school with me all the time. literrally. their was an assigned nap time every day and i didn’t nap because i’ve always hated naps so we just played school without fail and i was learning a fourth grade curriculum at like age 3. so i had this really intense love of school and learning. i also was cultured as an only child around adults during the gulf war. i used to debate it as a youngster. i don’t really remember, but i think i wanted bush to topple baghdad. so i think that i can make up the intelligence thing. I also think that one of the things i will pretty likely pass on to my children is my anxiety and manic depressive disorders. no fun. if i can save someone from that i will. also, i economy of adoption. the fact is that if i breed my own child it probably means i’m economically stable enough for one child or two. so that’s one or two children that is in an orphanage somewhere because no one will adopt them because someone believes their own genes are superior. and does a natural born child improve our relationship? does that mean that our unnatural children were just charities or something and not a child that we love so much and couldn’t see ourselves without. my parents said that they never believed it before they adopted even though others said it was true but that the second they held me and devon we were theirs and no one was going to take us from them.

march 31 is my birthday and i had a party for it and it was a good party because there was lots of fun things going on. steve and all of c-unit came. whcih was pretty fucking awesome. also though.. sarah came with jeff and cale and caitlin and kaylynn came and that was a lot of fun. kaylynn may be able to get me some things that i think is cool. so that’s the best birthday present except for the laptop case whih is better. i’m drunk this is retarded.

by things i think is cool i meant opium.

i like the way your hand looks in mine
i like the way your heart beats
i like the sounds you make
i like how i can lay with you for hours
i like how the question i’ll dwell on with you is “what is happiness for me?” and that the answer with you will always seem to be you
i like how you’re unlike anyone else
i like how i’m afraid of not being afraid of you
i like how your hair is
i like how your eyes are
i like the way you look at me when you have something to say and you’re not sure how to say it or if you should say it at all
i like how you hold my hand when we drive
i like how you touch my face
i like how your eyes look when they’re closed
i like liking you
i like walking into lolas to find that you were there a few minutes prior and mention me
i like that sad feeling when i realize i missed you by a few minutes
i like denying myself sleep to see you
i like looking forward to seeing you
i like you.
i like how you’re not really comparable to anyone else i’ve ever dated before and how i actually mean that
i like how sometimes the way i feel about you reminds me of my favorite relationship but mostly it reminds me of no one but you and me
i like how i expect you and i to be together for more than a month
i like how i don’t really lust after you in the conventional sense of the word
i like the way you agree that it might be better to wait
i like the feeling of your back in my hand when i reach for you at a party
i like how completely obvious we seem
i like the way commitment seems okay when its me committed to you
i like how you put my foot in my mouth in a matter of days
i like the second chance you gave me
i like your ability to realize sometimes vodka makes mistakes
i like the way sex in any sense means something with you
i like how beautiful you are
i like that you have a job
i like that your job gets you really hardcore clothes
i like that you’ve got style
i like how you kissed me first
i like how i feel around you
i like the girl i want to be for you
i like that you don’t try to change me
i like your voice on the telephone

i spent from about midnight till about 5 am at j’s the other night just hanging out and talking and holding hands. it was soo much fun. i totally have a crush on him. 🙂 lol. except its requited now so that makes it a non-crush. i wasn’t sure we needed to do anything about the mentor-mentee situation. and then last night we saw the movie and he held my hand (and did those little like finger circles on the inside of my thigh which means its a good thing we hadn’t kissed yet so i could just be like “eh i wanna kiss him!” instead of like “must bang must bang must bang”) about 20 minutes before the movie ended mom called to say that my dog chelsea was sick and i came back in and started crying/semi-hyperventilating. and he offered to leave a few times but i didn’t want to cos i knew the movie had a happy ending. so instead, he just took his finger and rubbed my tear off of my face.