Another Monday feeling refreshed

Jess on February 9, 2009

I’m planning on redesigning the content presentation of my website.  I would like to possibly eventually turn it into a portfolio, maybe through a url with my name or something of the sort, of all of the various things I do.  I want to start taking and publishing more photos for the sake of amateur photography.  I have a holga.  That is the best thing to do.  I want to create a digital recipe archive, a sort of digital cafe, of all of the delicious things that Kyle and I cook.  I want to start reflecting on more important issues than what I did with my day.  I’m sure that I’ll always keep a blog similar to the format of this one.  I started blogging at opendiary when I was 14.  It’s just engrained in me at this point.  More than half of the time that I’ve been able to write, I’ve invested my journalling energy on the blogosphere.  But, I realize, I’m somewhat outside of it.  I want to be able to use this domain to communicate with more than a few of strangers and some close friends.  I’d like to let people in my family know that it exists.  I think it could help keeping in touch and those sorts of things.  So expect a content redesign soon.  Although, I must say, I’m obsessed with this ugly color combination I’m using  so might as well keep it up.

Class and things are going very well.  I’m enjoying the intellectual stimulation for a change and I especially like my Islam class.  I’m really enjoying being in the groove of friendships.  I started going to the local coffee shop and that has somewhat helped.  I don’t know that I realized how much I feel like I fit in when I start recognizing people I don’t know from places that we both tend to frequent.  Maybe I’m just part of an unfortunate generation overexposed to Friends, but I think it’s more about loving the familiar.

Kyle has been in San Diego this week for a debate tournament.  I think he had a good time, and I sure missed him.  It’s nice to have the apartment to myself so I can sleep in easier in the mornings and get things done at my own pace with no regard for someone else’s plans or needs, but when it comes down to it, I miss him dearly.  I’ve been very nostalgic lately for the early days of when we were first dating.  Our two years of being committed to each other relationship is this week and I think I’m just considering what it’s been like getting to know him and letting him get to know me.  I really feel blessed, we’re so happy.

The king has returned

Jess on January 16, 2009

Kyle and I got back to Lubbock with Logan in tow on Monday. I’ve been in a frenzy because I’m so behind on school already for a variety of reasons. I missed the first session of each of my classes on account of deciding to stay in Topeka to judge the debate tournament. That decision was the most logical and economically advantageous, but it was still a stress on the start of my semester.

All laid out, my semester is going to be lots of work. I’m reading about 10-15 articles a week, plus a book a week until spring break. I think spring break is really going to be the downward slope, but I’m not quite sure. There is so much to read and respond to and turn in, but I think this semester will be far more intellectually stimulating than the last. Hooray for that!

I also have my first freelance invitation work, I think. I’m going to start doing a draft for that soon. I’m so excited to be designing again and to work out that part of my brain too. I would really like to start doing more work in the same vein if possible.

Kyle is at Denver’s debate tournament this weekend. I miss him terribly. Sometimes, it’s strange, how much I miss him when he’s away like this. We’ve been together for a long time and virtually inseparable since winter break started but I really don’t appreciate the break from him at all. I just keep thinking about how much I miss him, and how delicious the dinner I made myself was, and I wish he was here to share it with me because I think he would really like it. He calls me and sends me texts more when he’s away too, and he called me last night after I fell asleep and then texted me to say how much he missed me. I’ll be so happy when he’s back.

Access

Jess on December 16, 2008

Winter break and I’m up to my usual antics.  I have yet to start a new book since finishing The Historian but I have been catching up on my tv-on-dvd marathons.  Kyle and I also have been driving a lot, probably too much, and trying to get out to see a movie here and there.

Last week, we left Lubbock on Wednesday and drove to Topeka.  We got in around 7 or 8 and had some Jimmy Johns with my parents before he headed back to send an email to Joe about grades for the class he TA’d last semester.  I spent some time socializing with Mom and dad and then watched Top Chef with him and James who showed up about 5 or 10 minutes in.  It was nice to get to spend some time hanging out, but the night has seemed to be far more devilish in the grand-scheme of things which have dictated my lief as of late.

Thursday we left for Carbondale, spending an hour in Blue Springs to situate ourselves here before heading out.  We spent Thursday and Friday night in Carbondale with friends.  Duran came in and Adam and Kevin let us stay with them.  Ben was there too which made me happy.  I don’t get to chat with him enough, we’re both so busy… but it’s nice to see familiar faces around.  That’s probably my most favorite thing about being home from break.  We went out for dinners at our favorite places—Don Taco and Fujiyama.  The sushi we had at Fujiyama was really remarkable.  Mind you, we’ve been living in Lubbock, Texas for the past several months where I refuse to eat any sushi not made out of processed, cooked fish unless I made it myself… but we were in Carbondale, Illinois where pickings are usually not quite better.  Every piece of fish I had seemed so fresh and yummy.  The rolls were great, and the albacore sashimi was better.  We also went to see Role Models with Adam and Kathleen which was funny.

The only real stress in Carbondale was my mom flipping out about our plans to be in Blue Springs for a few more days before we returned to Topeka.  Our plan is basically to spend full weeks in places instead of three days here and three days there where we feel stressed out because we’re never in one place and we feel like we no more than get settled and already have to leave.  It also cuts down on long driving trips, and with this winter weather, that can be quite the safety precaution.  Anyway, my mom has somehow decided that we hate staying with them and that we are better off just spending all of our time in Blue Springs.  We’re not going to take this route because we want to see our friends in Topeka and it actually is important to us that we spend time with my family too.  It’s just so hard to reason with her.  I pretty much gave up on it.  I told her Saturday as we headed home that we were going to just do as we had always planned and that we’d be home later this week, so we’ll see how that goes when we get there.

I wish she wasn’t so insecure and hung up on issues which she mostly caused herself before the wedding.  She just keeps claiming that she hardly got the chance to know Kyle and his family because we insisted on getting married so soon.  That is true, to an extent, but a lot of that stemmed from mom and dad’s failure to get to know him when he was in town when I was living in the apartment, and his parents had basically the same amount of time to get to know me when we were dating and they certainly made that effort.  And, since we got married, there is no excuse to not get to know them.

I am not sure what exactly mom expected in terms of knowing her future in-laws before the wedding.   I guess, growing up in a small town with my dad where her parents and his parents had always known each other may have made their marriage a little easier in the beginning, but at some point they need to get past that and begin to forge a relationship.  We have enabled this in anyway we’ve found possible but from cancelled dinners out on non-holidays to refused invitations on both Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems we are making no progress.

More than anything, it bothers me that she always claims that she doesn’t know Kyle or his family and expresses no interest in taking opportunities to do so because it suggests to me that she still doesn’t believe that this marriage is serious.  That hurts because if she can’t figure that out then she’s not really paying attention to what I tell her about how our first several months of marriage is going.  Also, I did not appreciate the assertion she made in her latest email to me: “I just don’t know what happened to the beautiful wonderful little girl I knew all these years.  I feel like you have just turned on me.”

That is all that I have the energy for now.  I’ll update more on the more-entertaining events of winter break.

Can I get a little R&R?

Jess on November 6, 2008

I added a new blog to my RSS feed which is pretty significant for several reasons. For one, it was recommended to me by Joe who is in law school and I have a theory that the reason he largely recommends boring things to me is because much of his life is spent reading things unimaginably boring so he can trudge through things i won’t touch. For two, I very rarely add foreign blogs to my rss feeds. My feed list, as you know, is all culture/art/exhibit things and the blogs of my friends. Therefore, it is quite significant to add something new written by someone I don’t know that was recommended to me by a law student. Without further ado, I’ll recommend it to everyone else too.

Conversion Diary

It’s good, it’s Catholic. It’s written by a former atheist and it is not boring.

In other news, I am in significant need of the break I am taking tonight. I feel like every night this week I’ve been running-running-running and that I haven’t had much time to just relax. Kyle is gone this weekend with debate (in California!) and I am here. But Sunday we had people over for our HBO true blood/entourage rotation and some dinner. And then Monday we went out after his class and that was somewhat of a disaster as I didn’t really want to go but sucked it up in an attempt to be life-giving and he drank too much and didn’t pay attention to my needs to go home and get a good night of sleep before going to class at 8:15 and then Tuesday was the election and Mary’s election party so we were out late. Last night we spent watching West Wing after going to dinner but around dinner we had to deal with his cell phone being broken which took far longer than it should have and then dinner made me sorta sick to my stomach so it was not as relaxing as it should have been.

The date was really nice though. We’ve been pretty nitpicky lately. Partially from spending most of our time together and I think we’re just pretty stressed about things. I’m not sure that our primary mode of relaxation is terribly compatible either. He’s more of a go-out-have-fun relaxer and I’m more of a stay-in-and-relax kind of girl. But that’s okay. I think that we’ll reach a good middle point, and I think I’ll reach a good point in which I’m fine letting him be out when I’m in. We just enjoy each other’s company so much right now that I want to spend all of my time with him. I’m sure this weekend will be good at reminding each other of that.

And I should be plenty busy too. I have thank you after thank you to finish and I have three group assignments to do some writing about. I’ll be happy when the semester is over. I’ve realized that when I sit down to blog about it, I’m a lot harder on the program than I should be. Really, I like it. Most of my professors are great and next semester we get into much more interesting topics, a lot of things that are more interpretive and less collections-oriented. I’ll feel better when that happens.

I’ve also thought about doing one of those stupid grad-student cliché blogs where i extrapolate on the questions which arise in my head during graduate classes in blog form. I’m not sure that I’m quite ready to be that girl yet. I would like to start doing a more topical approach to blogging and not always have it be just a steady journal. A little politics. Some religion. Some museums. Just a bit more activity on my part. We’ll see though.

Several Accomplishments

Jess on February 14, 2008

So, last night I got home from work and saw mom for the first time since Kyle and I got engaged.  This went poorly, as expected.  For one, she’d alreaedy taken her pain medicine for her hip which was broken in December so she was pretty out of it and more irritable than usual.  We talked for a little while and she got very upset that I want to get married so soon because she didn’t think that would be the case at all and said as much.  Then she tried to talk me out of because of some rational reasons like health insurance.  Eventually we just went to bed in disagreement and I called Kyle.   Mostly, I think, I appreciated her opinions but I was just really stressed out because I want to be planning my wedding and getting excited about being engaged to the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, and its hard to do that when someone keeps telling you you’re an idiot for getting the wedding part over with and moving on to the marriage part.  Also, I want to share this excitement with my mom! I only get one proposal, one ring, and one engagement and I’d be much more satisifed if mom was as excited as I am about all three… and waited a few days to get upset about the date (rather than the 18 hours or so that it took her to express concern). So last night I was pretty upset, but then today things got better.

For one, I talked to my professors about it and they all seem to be in agreement that a shorter engagement is better.  Or at the very least they expressed no concern about my getting married to Kyle so soon.  This was comforting because I think they know me well enough to judge whether or not this engagement will tear me away from my plans for studies in the future, which is another of my mom’s major concerns, and it’s good to have their backing that I’m dedicated enough to get it done.

Also, I called the church so that I could figure out what needs to be done to start setting a date.  They said I’d need to be a registered member so I went there and got that taken care of so we can get on to the date-setting part.  Hooray!  When I got there a group of high schoolers followed me in.  I figured they were like a church youth choir or something getting back from a day of singing valentines.  But then when I told Dolores that I was there to register, she asked if it were a joke.  I said no… and then i was like “oh… they’re not with me.” so she asked what they were there efor and they said they had a singing Valentine.  We all went into the back room where the Father Jon was meeting with some women.  They sang “earth angel” and there was a cute dog who is apparently named Joseph.  Father said “Joseph knew that one cos I sing it to him every night.” which made me smile and know that this is the right church and the right priest for our wedding.  Dolores then told him that I had just shown up to register to be a member and so he stood up and shook my hand and said hi and I explained that I’d been attending for a few years but hadn’t really thought to register but I just got engaged and they told me that I’d need to be registered.  And he said “oh so I’ll be seeing more of you, then?”  It made me super happy.  I’m excited to sit down with Kyle and Father Jon and figure out all the ins and outs of the sacrament I am about to embark upon!

The Wedding Date

Jess on February 13, 2008

When Kyle and I initially talked about getting engaged we made mental plans to have a short engagement and aim for August or December of 2008 based on what the church could do. When mom initially gave permission for the proposal, she was under the assumption that we’d wait to get married for four or five years, basically, until I was done with grad school. Obviously, this is causing a bit of tension at the earliest stages of the planning process. So I thought I’d make a list of some of the reasons that I want to have a wedding now rather than later… in no particular order of importance to me.

1. When Kyle and I discussed whether or when we would get married before the engagement, Kyle said he would rather get married before we start our lives together because he feels like it’s something we just wouldn’t get around to doing if we already experience the benefits of married life, less the tax incentives.

2. I don’t like long engagements. I think they’re silly and they ruin the fun and the excitement. Also, friends who have had long engagements seem to forever postpone their eventual wedding. I think engagement is like a strange purgatory where it’s a little better than dating but not as great as marriage. Engagement exists for two reasons: 1) marriage is something people must spiritually and emotionally prepare for and 2) weddings take plannings.

3. I’m looking forward to a marriage. I want that.

4. Very few friends will have to rearrange their schedules or their position in life to attend a wedding in Topeka this summer or winter. Only two members of the proposed bridal party live out of the Way Greater Kansas City area. This is not exactly the case of the proposed groom’s party but their is currently a massive potential for carpooling from the St. Louis area where Kyle goes to college which will not exist in four or five years. Even if it can be argued that we are likely to fall out of touch with some of our guests in the future, the majority of the people who will be invited in the future will probably be from wherever we relocate. Therefore, instead of having a massive number of guests forced to buy plane tickets to attend the wedding of a local couple (if the wedding were still to be held in Kansas) would be inconviencing and unnecessary. It’s good that the wedding is in-town or a short drive for most of our guests right now.

5. It is paramount to me that I get married in a church I actually attend. For the past three years, I have regularly attended mass at Assumption in Topeka. It is certainly the parrish in which I feel most at home. As Kyle and I relocate in the fall, we will inevitably attend services and become a part of the community of a church in the area of our relocation. Likewise, I will request that a wedding four or five years from now occur at that church outside of Topeka.

6. Even if we were to get married in a Topeka church, we’re not going to live in Topeka at the time that the wedding would be planned. This would mean that my mom would have to take on the bulk of the wedding planning with the fun things like picking out dresses and the like being done from a distance without her involvement. I cherish the opportunity to spend several afternoons at different bridal stores with my mom until we find the perfect dress for me on my wedding day. I think that being apart means that this will be unlikely if not impossible. Both because my mom will not want to take on the role of wedding planning due to her already too busy schedule and because I would feel bad placing that burden on her, Kyle and I would almost have to do what my other friends who got married in Kansas when they lived elsewhere and hire a wedding planner. That adds a lot of cost. Cost is bad.

7. When I’m four or five years older, most of Kyle and my friends will be professionals with actual jobs and incomes while Kyle and I are likely to remain in our financial situation until we’re both out of grad/law school and employed. However, our friends who are not in similar economic situations are likely to appreciate the corners we cut in terms of cost as much. Further, I’ll feel a lot of pressure to add things to the wedding that I wouldn’t have now both because I’ll have been thinking about what I want the wedding to be like and because I will feel like I need to impress people who are well off.

8. Kyle and I want to own property together and it’s easier and safer to do that when we are legally recognized as married.

9. I do not want to cohabitate. I think it’s bad for a relationship when done outside of marriage.

10. I would rather not continue to flirt with the risk of a shotgun wedding.

11. One of the ways Kyle and I plan to save money on this wedding is by cutting costs on things like engagement photos and dj-ing by employing the efforts of friends looking to build work experience or a portfolio or who are just interested in helping us out.  We’re likely to not have this diversity of connections when we’re not fresh out of undergrad.

Wedding bells ring so loudly

Jess on July 15, 2007

Mass today was pretty awesome.  It was officiated by the Archbishop because they were installing a new priest, Fr. Brian Schreiber.  I liked him a lot. I’ll prolly keep going to Most Pure Heart because they have an 11:30 service, I like the priest, and it’s convenient.  Of course, Christ the King is more convenient and their preist is nice too… but i just kind of like the service and the people better at Most Pure Heart.  You can tell that they still really care.  I would go to assumption still but I kind of want to start doing any earlier mass.  I want to pretend to be a grown-up.

Anyway, the point of this entry is that the Archbishop explained the role of the priest and the importance of celibacy during the homily which is when he installs the new priest to show the importance of the priest to the eucharist ritual and the importance of the eucharist to the church.  So… install he did.  And he talked about how priests stay celibate because the role of the husband/father means that the husband must consult the wife before any changes which would affect the entire family.  I really pictured the husband and wife as one coherent unit when he said that and I think it really helped my love of the Catholic church.  Obviously, it’s not that the primary concern of the husband should not be Christ as well… it’s just that being a priest frees you from the obligation of marriage.  I think that the Catholic view on this really reflects the importance of the marital bond moreso than perhaps other churches.  And I’d never really thought of celibacy in the priesthood as being something which reaffirms the strength and power of the marriage but it turns out it does.

I think I’ll really like the new priest a lot… and it was fun to meet the archbishop as well.  They had priest cookies at the reception after mass!!! haha.  they were like little gingerbread shaped sugar cookies with priest suits drawn on.  I’d have eaten them but the suits looked markered in and I didn’t trust them… esp cos they were laying on the table not on plates.  Still.  Adorable. I think every Catholic function from now on should have priest cookies.