Let's get going!

Jess on August 13, 2009

It’s interesting how life is. I’m starting the major reading project for my thesis beginning yesterday and continuing today while I’m home for a few week in Topeka, Kansas visiting parents and friends. That means, I’ve returned to my favorite coffee shop—at least locally—since I learned to drive. PT’s/Lola’s has survived two sets of owners, three or four management changes, new people in front and back of the barista counter at that time, and even when I disappear for a year and come back in, they compliment my new hair style and ask me how my marriage is going.

In some other arrangement of this room and patio, I first read Annie on My Mind, a book I remain sentimental about, sipped my first shots of espresso, started smoking and quit smoking a month later, developed a taste for cappuccino foam over coffee, and now that I return from Texas an ice tea enthusiast, I still love the smell of their PT’s coffee over any other coffee smell. I have written probably dozens of poems here, met friends of all sorts from all my circles of friends for conversations and general mischief. The first time Kyle came to Topeka to meet me, I told him to meet me here because that was only the most natural meeting place.

I’ve also written at least a portion of most every significant paper I’ve ever worked on here, from high school through undergrad and now I’m starting my thesis surrounded by different paint but familiar faces, and I’m very much ready to get going on that new project, too.

I have two-thirds of a thesis committee put together, including my chair and my outside committee-member and now I’m doing the reading. Yesterday, I read the very short collection of literature available about social media and non-profits and I’m realizing I probably have a lot to contribute to the discussion. The most significant difference between what I might say and what the literature suggests stems from my coming at it from a different angle. Most of the authors seem to have came into social media somewhat begrudgingly for their institution without fully understanding how it works, and I’ve been a fan of it since before the word blog existed outside of blog networks. I’m most excited to get into more interesting, historical, reading about how museums translate history through and alongside popular culture.

I’m hoping that needing some sort of daily account of my thesis inspires me to blog a little bit more, as microblogging has killed the macroblogger in me in many respects. Also, as I’ve intended to begin using this space at the start of the upcoming semester to reflect on the current state of museums and museology, my pursuit of knowledge in the field of popular culture, popular history and museum education/interpretation, seems to be a perfect fit for the pseudo-direction of this little corner of the Internet.

Out of town guests and new sights in an old town

Jess on June 3, 2009

ReAnne is visiting from Topeka this weekend and I’m very excited to explore things about Lubbock that I haven’t visited even though I’ve lived here for over 9 months. She gets in Thursday night at about 9:30 so we’ll probably wait until my class gets out at noon on Friday to have any adventures.

I’m thinking shopping Friday and then going to the First Friday Art Trail, an event that I’ve only been present for and missed twice in the 9 that I’ve been available to attend. I missed it last month because Kristen and Stephen scheduled their barbeque for that evening and once when we decided to see Watchmen instead of going. I think it’s the best start to any month in Lubbock and I’m glad that ReAnne will be here for it. After FFAT, I think we’ll go to La Diosa Cellars and enjoy the ambience. Kyle and I first visited it last week to see one of the communication studies professors boyfriend’s band. Their Bella Riojo wine is about the only wine I’ve ever wanted to try twice, but they had me at “blueberry” and “strawberry” flavors in the description. Mm. Maybe we’ll also go to Melt. If Friday night had a theme it would be “Classy on the Caprock.”

Saturday, we’re barbecuing and then going to karaoke or maybe the dance club we like. Maybe during the day we’ll just relax, go grocery shopping and hit up the National Ranching Heritage Center and the Museum of Texas Tech University. There are two exhibits up—”Spectacular Spectacles” and “A Double-Edged Weapon”—that I have been waiting for her visit to go see. Plus, people like to see where I work when they visit, I’ve found. Possibly, it’s because I work at a museum. An office would be far less exciting, I imagine.

I am leaving the rest of the weekend to fate, letting whatever happens happen. Maybe we’ll go to the wineries around Lubbock. Maybe we’ll try to find some prairie dogs. Either way, I’m excited for her to visit and to see some new things that I have yet to visit here.

Happy Happy Holiday

Jess on December 28, 2008

Christmas went pretty well. The week we spent ending on Christmas eve with my parents was really nice and I think I’m quite less apprehensive about our future time there as a couple. The day before Christmas Eve, I went out for coffee with Mallory and left Kyle at home so that we could visit more and because Kyle, I think, expected to get some reading done for next semester. He ended up instead spending the whole evening chatting with my mom. By the time I got home, mom decided that she actually is fond of Kyle and is glad that she had the chance to get to know him better.  While I’m still fairly bitter that she never made this effort to get to know him sooner and never trusted my judgement on the man I chose to marry until a few days ago, I was pretty well convinced that she was simply never going to accept him fully as a member of our family and that seems like a greater possibility now so I’m fairly content on that status for the time being.

We bought both of our parents digital photo frames as their Christmas presents.  Both sets seemed plenty happy with the gift and were excited to get them loaded up quickly.  We’re having some trouble getting images from our computer to the cards and may need to break down and buy a card reader.  Also, for some reason, our attempt to transfer photos from my computer to our PC at home resulted in Kyle’s jump drive becoming write-protected.  What’s up, PNY?  Get your self sorted out! So trying to set up gifts for my parents was pretty maddening… but it’ll get better.  When we bought the frames, Best Buy was bundling them with digital frame key chains that are pretty nice so we gave those to my parents and my uncle.  We figured my mom would take the keychain but my dad ended up opening that when mom opened up the frame and he was so excited to have something on which he can carry photos of his children that I think he’ll end up using it the most.  It made me really happy.  I love watching other people’s faces light up when I give them gifts!

Kyle and I had some good gift-opening ourselves.  We got mostly gift cards and some DVD series and XBOX live and a PS3.  I’m so excited for the PS3 to arrive.  I basically want to play Little Big Planet all the time.  Since it’s break, I’ve been playing Animal Crossing for DS basically non-stop.  Kyle makes fun of me for it as it is pretty obviously a game for children that I love.  I want the new Wii version at some point too, though I’m not sure I’ll be as interested in it when it isn’t portable because it’s not really so interesting that I can’t still watch tv or do whatever while i’m playing.

I need to read.  I also need to go through the Nelson again while I’m back in town.  I haven’t been in ages.  Perhaps, I can find a good museum-going friend to traverse through it with me at some point this week.  I have two new pairs of boots and want to redo my whole wardrobe from there up.  I also have new jeans.  A grey-blue pair of skinny jeans at that.  Woo.  I love skinny jeans. That’s pretty much all of my news.

I would like to talk about the Christmas Midnight Mass at the Cathedral but that entry will have to wait.

Access

Jess on December 16, 2008

Winter break and I’m up to my usual antics.  I have yet to start a new book since finishing The Historian but I have been catching up on my tv-on-dvd marathons.  Kyle and I also have been driving a lot, probably too much, and trying to get out to see a movie here and there.

Last week, we left Lubbock on Wednesday and drove to Topeka.  We got in around 7 or 8 and had some Jimmy Johns with my parents before he headed back to send an email to Joe about grades for the class he TA’d last semester.  I spent some time socializing with Mom and dad and then watched Top Chef with him and James who showed up about 5 or 10 minutes in.  It was nice to get to spend some time hanging out, but the night has seemed to be far more devilish in the grand-scheme of things which have dictated my lief as of late.

Thursday we left for Carbondale, spending an hour in Blue Springs to situate ourselves here before heading out.  We spent Thursday and Friday night in Carbondale with friends.  Duran came in and Adam and Kevin let us stay with them.  Ben was there too which made me happy.  I don’t get to chat with him enough, we’re both so busy… but it’s nice to see familiar faces around.  That’s probably my most favorite thing about being home from break.  We went out for dinners at our favorite places—Don Taco and Fujiyama.  The sushi we had at Fujiyama was really remarkable.  Mind you, we’ve been living in Lubbock, Texas for the past several months where I refuse to eat any sushi not made out of processed, cooked fish unless I made it myself… but we were in Carbondale, Illinois where pickings are usually not quite better.  Every piece of fish I had seemed so fresh and yummy.  The rolls were great, and the albacore sashimi was better.  We also went to see Role Models with Adam and Kathleen which was funny.

The only real stress in Carbondale was my mom flipping out about our plans to be in Blue Springs for a few more days before we returned to Topeka.  Our plan is basically to spend full weeks in places instead of three days here and three days there where we feel stressed out because we’re never in one place and we feel like we no more than get settled and already have to leave.  It also cuts down on long driving trips, and with this winter weather, that can be quite the safety precaution.  Anyway, my mom has somehow decided that we hate staying with them and that we are better off just spending all of our time in Blue Springs.  We’re not going to take this route because we want to see our friends in Topeka and it actually is important to us that we spend time with my family too.  It’s just so hard to reason with her.  I pretty much gave up on it.  I told her Saturday as we headed home that we were going to just do as we had always planned and that we’d be home later this week, so we’ll see how that goes when we get there.

I wish she wasn’t so insecure and hung up on issues which she mostly caused herself before the wedding.  She just keeps claiming that she hardly got the chance to know Kyle and his family because we insisted on getting married so soon.  That is true, to an extent, but a lot of that stemmed from mom and dad’s failure to get to know him when he was in town when I was living in the apartment, and his parents had basically the same amount of time to get to know me when we were dating and they certainly made that effort.  And, since we got married, there is no excuse to not get to know them.

I am not sure what exactly mom expected in terms of knowing her future in-laws before the wedding.   I guess, growing up in a small town with my dad where her parents and his parents had always known each other may have made their marriage a little easier in the beginning, but at some point they need to get past that and begin to forge a relationship.  We have enabled this in anyway we’ve found possible but from cancelled dinners out on non-holidays to refused invitations on both Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems we are making no progress.

More than anything, it bothers me that she always claims that she doesn’t know Kyle or his family and expresses no interest in taking opportunities to do so because it suggests to me that she still doesn’t believe that this marriage is serious.  That hurts because if she can’t figure that out then she’s not really paying attention to what I tell her about how our first several months of marriage is going.  Also, I did not appreciate the assertion she made in her latest email to me: “I just don’t know what happened to the beautiful wonderful little girl I knew all these years.  I feel like you have just turned on me.”

That is all that I have the energy for now.  I’ll update more on the more-entertaining events of winter break.

The Reception

Jess on February 20, 2008

We more or less officially have a reception site booked (we’re on the calendar but they don’t  have our deposit.)  We’ll be celebrating our vows at the Governor’s Row House at 9th and Buchanan in Topeka sometime after the ceremony.  If you’re interested, they have a website: http://www.govrow.com.

The Wedding Date

Jess on February 13, 2008

When Kyle and I initially talked about getting engaged we made mental plans to have a short engagement and aim for August or December of 2008 based on what the church could do. When mom initially gave permission for the proposal, she was under the assumption that we’d wait to get married for four or five years, basically, until I was done with grad school. Obviously, this is causing a bit of tension at the earliest stages of the planning process. So I thought I’d make a list of some of the reasons that I want to have a wedding now rather than later… in no particular order of importance to me.

1. When Kyle and I discussed whether or when we would get married before the engagement, Kyle said he would rather get married before we start our lives together because he feels like it’s something we just wouldn’t get around to doing if we already experience the benefits of married life, less the tax incentives.

2. I don’t like long engagements. I think they’re silly and they ruin the fun and the excitement. Also, friends who have had long engagements seem to forever postpone their eventual wedding. I think engagement is like a strange purgatory where it’s a little better than dating but not as great as marriage. Engagement exists for two reasons: 1) marriage is something people must spiritually and emotionally prepare for and 2) weddings take plannings.

3. I’m looking forward to a marriage. I want that.

4. Very few friends will have to rearrange their schedules or their position in life to attend a wedding in Topeka this summer or winter. Only two members of the proposed bridal party live out of the Way Greater Kansas City area. This is not exactly the case of the proposed groom’s party but their is currently a massive potential for carpooling from the St. Louis area where Kyle goes to college which will not exist in four or five years. Even if it can be argued that we are likely to fall out of touch with some of our guests in the future, the majority of the people who will be invited in the future will probably be from wherever we relocate. Therefore, instead of having a massive number of guests forced to buy plane tickets to attend the wedding of a local couple (if the wedding were still to be held in Kansas) would be inconviencing and unnecessary. It’s good that the wedding is in-town or a short drive for most of our guests right now.

5. It is paramount to me that I get married in a church I actually attend. For the past three years, I have regularly attended mass at Assumption in Topeka. It is certainly the parrish in which I feel most at home. As Kyle and I relocate in the fall, we will inevitably attend services and become a part of the community of a church in the area of our relocation. Likewise, I will request that a wedding four or five years from now occur at that church outside of Topeka.

6. Even if we were to get married in a Topeka church, we’re not going to live in Topeka at the time that the wedding would be planned. This would mean that my mom would have to take on the bulk of the wedding planning with the fun things like picking out dresses and the like being done from a distance without her involvement. I cherish the opportunity to spend several afternoons at different bridal stores with my mom until we find the perfect dress for me on my wedding day. I think that being apart means that this will be unlikely if not impossible. Both because my mom will not want to take on the role of wedding planning due to her already too busy schedule and because I would feel bad placing that burden on her, Kyle and I would almost have to do what my other friends who got married in Kansas when they lived elsewhere and hire a wedding planner. That adds a lot of cost. Cost is bad.

7. When I’m four or five years older, most of Kyle and my friends will be professionals with actual jobs and incomes while Kyle and I are likely to remain in our financial situation until we’re both out of grad/law school and employed. However, our friends who are not in similar economic situations are likely to appreciate the corners we cut in terms of cost as much. Further, I’ll feel a lot of pressure to add things to the wedding that I wouldn’t have now both because I’ll have been thinking about what I want the wedding to be like and because I will feel like I need to impress people who are well off.

8. Kyle and I want to own property together and it’s easier and safer to do that when we are legally recognized as married.

9. I do not want to cohabitate. I think it’s bad for a relationship when done outside of marriage.

10. I would rather not continue to flirt with the risk of a shotgun wedding.

11. One of the ways Kyle and I plan to save money on this wedding is by cutting costs on things like engagement photos and dj-ing by employing the efforts of friends looking to build work experience or a portfolio or who are just interested in helping us out.  We’re likely to not have this diversity of connections when we’re not fresh out of undergrad.