open ended
[retraction] in a recent entry it was stated that the author of this blog witnessed two games of chess between one, stephen, and another joe. the author aluded that joe played too defensively. however victory of either game was never revealed. the aforementioned defensive chess player got defensive off the chessboard and is now requesting that i explain what happened. joe beat steve in the first game and in the second game the opposite was true. i’m only allowing the retraction because joe is helping redefine gender roles by being a boy who is acting like a whiny bitch.[/retraction]
i still contend this entry is in supplement to my government studying and not in replacement of said studying. blah.
this is what my last night looked like: Worked sucked. Went to James’. Drank Martini (call from madeline during martini). Call from Madeline (after martini). Shot of Vodka. Half-shot of Vodka. Shot of Gin. Shot of Vodka. Shot of Gin. Commented on yesterday’s entry for my own blog. Passed out.
So my tolerance level is usually at right around 3 beers before i’m drunk enough to not want to drink more. Hungover, anyone? Augh.
i was thinking just now about how stephen spelles his name with a ph instead of a v. which made me think about my first boyfriend. his name was also stephen spelled with a ph instead of a v. this was 5th to 6th grade. i think its strange that i repeat boys names so often. Jarred-Jarod, Bryan-Brian (Bryan was not a date or any more than one kiss on principle, but still), Stephen-Stephen. Whoa. The madness. Oh well.. I know who my favorites are of everyone.
madeline wants her stuff back. which is fair. i know. i know i’m a terrible exgirlfriend and that we’ve hurt each other too much. and i know that we still love each other so its almost impossible to be friends. but i also know that she’s right. i have changed. and theres nothing i can do about it. because i like who i am now, a lot. and i tired of hating myself all the time and never really knowing who i was hating. so i guess this is growing up.
i just wish she was someone i could have along for the ride.
jarod is also still not speaking to me. although he did im me last night to apologize for how mean he was the other night. but i mishandled that situation too and i admitted as much. i wish he wouldn’t bail on me either. but i guess he needs to push me out of his life and lately he’s been trying so hard that i think i tire of fighting him for a different outcome.
i ran into dan at lola’s today and we talked about relationships and things of the sort. i guess we’re going to double date sometime. which will be really exciting. cos i think hadley is a really cool girl. and i’ve never really been on a double date before. hell, going on dates period is kind of a new adventure. i got so used to just hanging out at the other persons house or at mine. eh. who knows. so i’m excited about that. and dan and my conversation was really great too. just about how happy we are with who we’re seeing. i think i’m doing a lot differently with steve. in that i think i try harder and care more than some of my past relationships. i just hope i never take him for granted. cos i know that happens sometimes. and i don’t want to be at that place with him. i think we have tons of potential. yay.
i don’t know when my life got so exciting that i had to write whole stories in my blog. i just really like to record things, i guess. and there’s a lot of existential/philosophical ponderances.
the past few weeks have proven that dating steve makes hanging out with tim not happen. perhaps i’m drawing correlations that don’t exist. either way i’m pretty sad about the fact that he and i haven’t hung out since the sunday before i started dating steve. maybe this should be an actually uncensored.