bloody black backpack
its pretty much known these days that Lacey and I are no where near as close as we used to be and this makes me pretty sad. Because we always used to be great friends and I swear I see Josh more than I see her even though he lived in Manhattan all school year and Olathe all summer now. Anyway, RYLA (the Rotary Youth Leadership Awards which is a camp sponsored by Rotary and Washburn that the Leadership Institute students are counselors at) is this week and Lace and I are both in the LI and therefore both camp counselors and luck of all lucks, we are rooming together. I’m pretty excited about this. We decided that we should just share a room instead of taking the two seperate rooms that we’re offered because it gives us a chance to hang out and talk at night and i’m so excited about getting to talk to her again and maybe after RYLA we can start hanging out again. It’d be pretty rad if that were the case.
I feel like i’ve kinda been ignoring my high school friends. this is true. for a variety of reasons. First, i really miss all of my friends from college and got really used to them. Not that I don’t like my high school friends or anything just that all of C-Unit so totally rocks and we have a great time together and have really awesome intellectual and philosophical conversations combined with our unique, hilarious sense of humor and i miss them all a lot. Also though, I’ve been superdepressed about recent events in my social life that I really don’t feel like I have any control over. I know the other two people involved probably both looked at it as a win-win situation for me, one of them vocalizing as much, but I never ever felt that way about it. And what sucked most was that I probably would’ve behaved this way (that is the not eating, getting sick to my stomach, having bad dreams, waking up nervously puky) no matter who finally voted to bail. So i’m depressed. And I don’t want to get out of bed. And what else has changed about me since freshman year? I’ve grown breasts (?!).
Speaking of breasts. I’m wearing the shirt that I kissed Jarred McDaniel and Brian in for the first time and maybe someone else. because i recall that this shirt was always the shirt i’d wear when i was planning on making out with someone because its a reall cool shirt. it just says “ROCK!” on it in pink glittery stuff and then there is an electric guitar there too. Anyway. I haven’t worn it in a long time. and I put it on today and later realized that I have breasts. I’ve noted before that they have grown considerably since i was a sophomore or maybe even junior but man. My reflection is of a body other than my own. Also, I’ve lost a lot of weight and mom commented on how nice I looked in my jeans today. I told her it was because I was starving myself and she was like “but still, you look great.” and then mumbled about how i shouldn’t starve myself. It was kind of a crazy conversation.
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i regret turning down my spot in the LI, mostly because i would like more money. i’m a sad panda.
after the interview day process forbach or whatever was like “hey, we will give you t3h ca$h” and i was like “no way dudz, i’m doing db8” because i thought both would take a big commitment (whatev) so i called him back and said i wasn’t interested and he was like, “finzorz, we’ll give t3h fat ca$h to anuter pplz”