ambulance
i could hide the truth of this pain
with the word hospital
and i could hope people would assume
tragedy and ignore the obvious.
no one sees me often enough
to imagine my dreams of coping
with slashed wrists
or swallowed pills
with gunshot wounds
or far-away sidewalks
with knifes in stomachs
or the slow suicide
of food depravation.
I have no one to blame but myself,
he said,
no one can hurt you but you
and i think in that statement
i died, just a little
hiding on the elevator
riding it up and down
waiting for a friend
or an enemy
for a new story to cry about
and
waiting for your unpredictable silence,
i bought new shoes.