Decisions, decisions
I guess I had the decision made for me the other day and now it doesn’t really matter what I think about it. But at the same time, I have so much to say and think I feel really overwhelmed by it all.
I have my first appointment with my therapist today. I’m hoping that he’s a good one. I get worried about therapists because so much of the time I just avoid the major issues that were life issues which contribute now to my being depressed (etcetera) and talk about the little issues in my life which isn’t really the point. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do in therapy now. I feel a lot less traumatized by those things which have happened. So I don’t know. I guess I’ll just tell him that.
I spent yesterday on a road trip to or in Lincoln, Neb. It was alright. Not my best roadtrip. But perhaps my most-needed time on the road. Sometimes I wish I could drive alone instead of just lonely sometime. Someday I will buy a car which is reliable.
So we go on this road trip, right and the whole time I feel like a third wheel. Which sucks because it’s fucking the thing that Joe and I do. We go on road trips. and the thing that was good about them was that they were this special time where we really bonded. I know that going into yesterday I more wanted a road trip to drive and think… but I expected that a roadtrip with Joe would be lots of fun anyway and it just wasn’t.
Part of wishes that I wouldn’t have gone.
Part of me is pretty sure that I needed that time when we were driving to think things out