There's a light at the end of this tunnel
I’m really bad off financially. Like. Seriously. I’m in a bad spot. But, things will get better and I know that. I’m working two jobs now so I feel like I’m doing the most I can to make things better. When summer ends, I’ll be working four and going to school full-time. I’ll also have some financial aid rolling in. The thing about all of it is that whenever I look around I realize I’m surrounded by so many amazing things and people. It just doesn’t make sense to get bummed out about anything. I love it.
Since that summer where I started to hate who I was becoming, I’ve felt like my life peaked at 18 and that I’d just never feel that happy again. But all of those thoughts are over now. I look around my living room at any time and I see a whole set of friends who I love and who love me back and we’re like a family. My biggest inconvenience is that I accidentally had a party :). I feel so comfortable and happy. It just doesn’t matter that a lot of things about this week have been shitty.
Fourth of July was great. Kyle and I spent it together, doing what it is that Kyle and I usually do… cuddling, watching Law and Order, taking naps… and grilling. His mom and dad called us at 3 and were like “remember how we said we’d be home by noon? uh… we need you to get dinner on the table, we’ll be home in time to eat it.” lol. So cook we did. Kyle and I spent about two hours in the kitchen just the two of us (and the dog), cleaning and seasoning asparagus, adding kc barbecue sauce to the vegetarian baked beans to make it taste perfect, husking/cleaning/buttering/wrapping sweet corn and making burgers both vegetarian and some for his family. It just felt so… right. I’m looking forward to a lifetime of that.
The whole time I was in town was peppered with visits from his friends and when he’s in town the same is true. I feel like he is actually friends with my frieends which means he’s not only trying to be friends with them but also succeeding. It’s not like some sort of thing he does just for me in most cases… its like he genuinely gets along with them. And I adore that. And I think his friends are liking me. I’m hoping everyone will gather for the Fiesta this year cos I’m so excited to go. maybe I’ll make some deliciously vegetarian authenticish mexican food. with potatoes and peas in it. just like i hated growing up but occasionally crave now.
And it’s been Autumn since the day that I met you/If I hit bottom must I crawl out alone?/And I dont wish to know the secrets of summer at all//We’re 21 and invincible – Something Corporate, “21 and invincible”