Author: Jess

as i lay me down to sleep
i pray. just let go.

i am a plague
and you–you are my symptom
i’ve tried tylenol and metal cuts
but you never go away
i kind of like you here now

i never said i loved you
that doesn’t mean i didn’t mean it
but i still turn away
and you are, who?
i can’t answer that because i don’t know you
maybe you’re my dead father
come back to see how i am
i’ll hit you over the head with an urn of my exes ashes
he’s only my ex because he’s gone
and i should’ve known that you’d be gone too
i spend so much time hoping
while you spend so much time leaving
i’m so fucking glad you’re gone

don’t you ever try to come back here.

two songs at once,
i’ve got it all
the phone is ringing
once again we’re pretending
it just isn’t there

and maybe this makes it natural:
i want to be with you
and i’m in love with you
and it only feels different this time
because i’m a different person

in the shower my voice cracks
as i loudly sing along
i just laugh and go back to my dark
water filling cave
i hope i can stay afloat long enough
to look into your eyes again

when the tears falling down
onto my pillow
fake red hair and new greenish eyes
i’ve never felt this beautiful
i’ve never been this genuine

we were curled up, like children
lost and forgotten by the world
on her floor on her floor
and your lip ring was resting,
no where near me
but out bodies were kind of close
and i wondered what you would do
if you woke up cuddled next to me
i wondered if you could possibly see it like me
and i wanted to know..
how does your heart beat,
when the rest of you is sleeping?

we looked so alone
and i felt honestly like we were seperate
however unhappy with the situation
and you looked so beautiful and soft
a fairytale in new york on sarah’s floor
and last night in bed
i longed to be held
i clung to the comforter
like it’s warmth was security from the loneliness
i bought a copy of that comic book you had
i can read it and think of you.

but i can’t feel you
until my eyes slam hard asleep
and my heart slows down
sometimes i almost feel like we’re on the floor
so close sleeping
i wonder if you’re dreaming.

i’m just a blur of words
i don’t think you hear me
but i want you to call
and i want to feel your arms
wrap them tightly around me and don’t let go
i promise i won’t hold onto my fears
just don’t let go of me
and i won’t let go of you

there are enough blankets on this bed
to keep us warm for hours
and if the windows break like hearts
the cold air can’t break through
we’re an airtight seal of skin
and our coats keep us warm
oh hold me.
get me through the night.

i need to fall asleep
knowing someone would be sad
if tomorrow i didn’t wake up

i remember driving home
and the golden tips on everything
i remember thinking everything is beautiful
(i remember thinking about you)
tonight it was dark
but i still felt golden
(like i had my eyes closed
and your hands felt oh-so-good)

in the hollows of the silence
there was no emptiness
my heart was racing
and i fell in to the quiet
and rested there..
okay with the sound of only you and i
and i had not felt that way since summer
when the longing between filled the air.

now it’s between you and i
you could make a coat out of my skin
i’d let you.. i swear
you’re already in deep
you’re already under my skin
and i feel comfortable in our silences
even though my mouth races when i get excited.

i am some parts of you
because we make it real when we think it
and i feel you the way that i feel me
deeper and harder, faster or softer
you’re so gentle
you know just what to do:
and i do too.
we fall into each other
the way children fall into dreams

you close your eyes because you like it
and i breathe harder just like you
i like the way we feel, when we move together
alterred, although it may be
lost inside of it, it feels real
the hand is trembling
the lips, they quiver
the sweat is beading
the heart is beating

why can’t you be here?

i am there, it’s my territory
and i am on the prowl
i can sense your intrusion
like the building is networked to my body
you have to be somewhere: because i want you there.
if only to fulfill a dream…

you?a sly creature?hide well
and although i hunt and hunt
i do not see you
i look everywhere that you might be
occult, fantasy, philosophy, travel, fiction; you are a mystery
you are missing.

finally i find you
on the other end of the phone
you’re quiet and breathing
like you could possibly be real
(laughter)
you swear i didn’t wake you up
when you were sleeping,
did you dream of me?