Author: Jess

it makes me sad that people
like you have to exist
you think i’m such a flaming faggot
and you mean it in hateful ways
maybe it’s true, and
you will set me upon your lips
smoke me deep and inhale me
I just want you to love me.
you see me as the cancer-stick.
i am just a girl, i am an adult.

it makes me sad that of everyone
i ended up with a parent
that can’t understand
that her daughter isn’t her
and i will never be you,
so just let go.
it’s people like you
that make this world an ugly place
winter could be beautiful
but your hateful words
shake the trees leaves to the ground.

it makes me sad that i could be so happy
but you are so
god-damned fucking opposed to
seeing that happening
so i sneak, you won’t know.
but i will not be happy.

only when i’m with her
do i understand,
“yes you are,
or maybe no one is.”
maybe i can put words onto paper or screens
that actually have meanings
you’re just to shallow to read them.
for what they are.

you’re just to self-absorbed to read me
for who i am.

i’ve never been in this place before
it feels slightly awkward,
you have advantage:
for i am unknowing,
but i have already surrendered myself.

i belong to your faltering arms
i am connected to your hesitant heart
i am in the balance of your closing eyes
when you turn away from me?
i turn toward you.

i have never felt anything similar.
it’s true/i admit it/it’s hard to let go.
i see/think/feel this.
quite possibly because i need to.
and if i’m wrong, if you’re wrong, if we’re wrong
it doesn’t matter we’re right.

you can delight in your self-loating.
i like you enough for the both of us.

is it in our pauses/breaths
or inside of our interlocked lips
that i return it to you:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

it’s both.

today you took a little more of me with you
you held my hands and pulled me away from me.
it’s all okay, i want to be with you.
i see it, i see it, i want to say it.
and i can’t wait to see you.

i always wanted your words to swirl around me
they’re so beautiful in your fonts
natural and computed.
i wanted to fall down, crying at your feet,
you wereare everything to me.

i wonder where you are right now,
and if you could be thinking of me
it’s 10:04 am. and I miss you.
i’ve spent so much time lately,
devoting it all to sleep and missing you
it’s already been 16 hours
i miss the sound of your voice.

your words flow like water over my skin.
i write about the ocean because it’s so intense
emotion is an ocean knocking us face down on the shore.
pick me up, we’ll walk away
brush the sand of my shoulders.
and shake the dust…

we’re all just seconds away
from dying aren’t we?

we’re all just one sharp pain away
from crying aren’t we?

we’re all just one phone call away
from over aren’t we?

we’re all just one love away
from heart-broken aren’t we?

so let yourself go.
i’m letting go.
i’m letting go.
i’m letting…

go

inform players that i am a person
muppets are people too.
i am no one’s but my own.
but i can give myself to you.
“you could break me with your bare hands.”
so break me.
i’m standing here like software
you have all of the cracks in the now-unzipped readmes
take me.

i’m done with everyone.

i want this poem to be happy.
re: like a … virgin 🙂 you know what i mean.

i’m the axis of evil.
or i could be:
i could be your best bet, let alone your worst ex
and one of my quasi-exes says that i can’t think for myself
i’m a conglomeration of song lyrics
can you be the melody?

i’m the axis of evil.
but i am unaligned.
so don’t be scared.
don’t be scared.

the question was always: ‘will you tell her how you feel?’
now it’s changed because everything is different.
the question is now: ‘will you let yourself go?’
the answer has always been yes.
so take me take me take me.

the feelings are coming again
i feel it so hard
you’re like a wave
your surf breaks hard against the shore.

love me, love me
say that you love me

my last relationship was a fallacyphallacy

look up at me
i need to see your face
so i can record it
again and again and again
inside of my brain
even if someday,
the hapiness you hand me
falls out of my eyes
like tears that erase you
and take parts of me with them
it’ll be worth all of today
just for the day
to feel this way.

i’ll smile awkwardly
next time i
want to kiss you
because i’m afraid
to move to fast
it hurt to see you turn away
but i got over it, i always do.
but don’t blame me
if next time i make you lean in
i want to, believe me
and i’ll let you, believe me
just do it, nike.

i’ll give you everything
that i have to offer
it’s not much to live on
but dammit we can try
and i’m sick of trying
so (being with) you is letting go
i’m letting go of all of my thoughts
that i never thought out
but held on to.
you and i could be are so right.
make me feel beautiful.
you always do.

make me into you,
a part of who I want to be.
dreaming softly in candy-colored words
everything you say is beautiful
like oxygen,
i can’t let go
now you know.
even when you’re turning your head away

i think you’re beautiful

i am sure that this much is true
i am probably better of without you
i could block it out and debate it,
with a plan mandating getting over you.
that doesn’t make it hurt less.

i am sure, but not positive
i am always far too negative
kiss me deep and hard again
i’ll miss that feeling so much
i’ll miss you so much
please don’t be distant
i’m not letting go.

i won’t compete with myself
i won’t compete with a plant
i won’t compete with the silence because
the silence wins everytime

i am sure that this much is true
you were never who i thought you were
only what i’d hoped could be true
we have to let go, grow up, move on.

why is it all so hard?

this bitter pill is leaving you with such an angry mouth, one that’s void of all discression, such an awful tearing sound