Author: Jess

i’m slowly pulling out my internal organs
and placing them each on pieces of paper
handing them to various strangers
praying that they don’t get torn apart
you have my liver, or small intestine, or lung
but I keep my heart
i won’t let it get lost in the intermingling

i’m brushing my hair with my fingertips
they’re getting caught up in a rush of curls
they wave through me like my emotions
and hang heavily against my neck
i want to kiss the top of your neck
the back of your head where your hair hits
do you know do I belong to me?

i’m writing poetry that falls down paper
like the tears down my face
and the words are just mistakes in ink
pen is finite, pencil is infinite
i like being lost in your erasable dreams
please, do not sketch me out and erase me

build me up gently and break me down slowly.
it should not be like a mallet to stone.
but this time it might be.
may I ask you a question?

which way is north?

when i look in your eyes
it’s through the tears in mine
and when i hold you so close
it’s because i’m afraid to let go
and if i hold on to every breath
maybe i won’t die of oxygen deprevation
because the oxygen will stay.
don’t go away.

i like thinking about holding your hand
on my long drives home
i like checking my phone to see
you’re thinking the same as me.
and i like the way it feels to be wrapped up
in your arms so tight, you are a security blanket
i’m so isolated and insecure.

i want to dream about us
instead of forgetting about him
but that’s a long process
and could truly be some time away
but i like you more than i like spinach (cold with french dressing)
i like you like almonds in salad.
and i want to eat you all up.

but still there’s that repressed anger
i’m so fond of it it’s almost becoming me
and i don’t want to let go of it
only to have you let go of me
i can’t remind stagnant.
but please, let me.

when i look in your eyes,
i see a blurry, watery reflection ? of me.

when you hold me i feel
.. oh, wait. you never hold me.

you make me feel empty
as i backslide into ravines
and grind the engine,
struggling to get free.
you make me feel all alone.
as I slowly: dream, slide, breathe.
fall into backwards with me.
please.

i’ve got this broken heart
i know it’s not so much to offer
and i’ve got all of these white scars
please share your memories with me
i’ve just got nothing
but you could mean so much to me.

i think i’m going to run away today
but my tongue is far to silent
to ask you to come too
but will you? i think it all hurts you
so come with me and we’ll forget all of them.
or i’ll try.

i’ve got this broken heart
i know it’s not so much to offer
and i’ve got all of these white scars
please share your memories with me
i’ve just got nothing
but you could mean so much to me.

let’s drive off the cliffs together
we’ll slide over the mountains and the trees
we’ll slowly die together
won’t you hold me?

i don’t know what i want you to say
i don’t know what i want to hear from you.
i don’t know what i think.
i don’t know what you should think.
i don’t know much.

but all of this time that i’ve spent not talking to you,
i’ve devised one million creative ways
to make you dead.

you would be more fun that way.

i want to crawl
through the wall
of your bedroom
my brain is a vacuum.
it’s full of curiosity
but i feel a little empty.

i want to know
where you think this will go.
i wish i could dream ? waking.
without fear of hearts breaking
imagine there’s no difference
let love be common sense.

capture your apprehensions
we can reach new diminsions
i know we can, i’m sure.
if i could only climb up off of the floor.

You slowly close eyes
as if to blink away my pain
and i feel something
a little bit fuller
than empty.

I am electric.
I am extended.
I am my own.

Your hands are so soft
On Thursday, it was perfect.
They smell and feel like flower petals
You’re a beautiful snapdragon.

I am nervous.
I am calloused.
I am my own.

You write so many poems
sometimes they frustrate me
All of your mixed feelings & signals
Once, you said to wait.
Therefore I do.

I am.

when you breathe, I inhale too.
I wish you would hold me
and let go of your fears/apprehension
everyone hears the words
nobody reads the meaning.

hold me close
and don’t worry because
i have no one else to hold
so i hold my own breath.
I wait.

I get to see you
tonight, saturday, & monday
I can’t wait
but I linger;
I’ll stay

And palm to palm
is holy pilgrims kiss.

the wounds are fresh
and our words still salt them
i feel so many things
all of these emotions
as i stumble through the graveyard
and search for my own skull.
I find it, pick it up.
“Alas, Poor Yorrick!” I knew thee well.
And what now?
As I stare, menacingly
into the face:
unjustified bones
who is this, this girl?!
so happy, fragile, empty.
I did not know thee well
You are merely an acquaintance
the face of a past
that I strive to froget
“To be or not to be”
that has made all the difference.