Author: Jess

i think if you were here
we could go find a dry spot in the grass
and we could pretend that we were okay
i promise i won’t notice the moody tone in your voice
or the way you always look at me like you don’t love me anymore.
and i could see you smiling at me
and i could smile back too
we could kiss each other and look past it
but what good would it do?
you say i’m the greatest
but you tell me you’re a liar.
you used to make me feel so perfect.
now you’re just a broken wish
and i wanted to be with you so bad.
i wanted this to last for so long.
but nothing comes true anymore.
even love fades away
(and how quickly?!)
we’re dancing clumsily up the steps
to a bedroom filled with close-lip kisses.
and a sloppy, undressing scene.
we’re falling onto the bedspread
and i look in your eyes
you can’t bring yourself to look into mine.
sometime i’ll move on.
someday you’ll be gone.
but i can’t bring myself to look away.

her face is flooded
with tears that fall
like rain during the sunrise.
her eyes are blue,
her hair’s like honey
her cheeks are rosy.
as she looks for an answer.

and what do you say to her
when you’re not listening?
what do you see
when you’re not looking?
where do you go
when you’re never with her?
what do you see in other girls?

this worlds not fair
the way it spins at a tilt
she’s always on the downside.
when she looks at you
she feels so up, up, up.
but everythings going so fast.
and you’re not even looking her way.
she’s just a good friend.
you love her in so many wrong ways.

look around you sweetheart.
buying her some chocolate
when some knew asshole is breaking her heart
just won’t cut it anymore.
she looks at you so silently, she’s longing
for just one more day with you.
there’s nothing she wants more
than a kiss in the sunset.

maybe she won’t wake up crying anymore.
maybe when she falls asleep
her starry eyes will close,
inside she’ll smile.
at least that’s what she hopes.
cuz when she thinks about you
she feels so close.
but deep down she knows
you’re so far away.
but what can you say?

i tear and tear but the blood won’t come.
you say i don’t have to
but i know what you mean.
you say i love you
you say what you think.
i just stand there, i look dumb.
i just stand there.
you don’t come.

i’m waiting. waiting.

finally i see the stains
like dates of the past
and the way they fade away.
you’re a dream in my head
and this feeling is better off dead.
i hate the way my mind works.
you’d hate the thoughts i think.
but you still say.
and you tell me you love me anyways.

this is as close to alcoholic as she gets
she’s drinking down the bottles
?????(like a car takes gasoline)
she’s savoring the burning
it’s an esophogyeal flare
if she keeps on going
pretty soon she just won’t care

at least she’s not absuive
but there’s no one around to hit
she’s drowning in her tears
?????(like her liver in her vices)
but oh oh oh there’s nothing wrong
she’s a lullaby of grace
and besides–
she looks so pretty when she’s shit-faced

her dress is polka-dotted
she’s every man’ dream date
quickly, she’ll turn wicked
and you play her favorite game
let’s see how much she’ll drink tonight
?????(how many tears will she cry tomorrow?)
you love her, she’s an easy lay.
and she’ll never remember all the dirty things you say.

they say you’ll know it when it happens
and you’ll feel it when it’s real.
they say the feelings never ending
and you want it more and more.
they say you’ll just know when it’s real
i think it’s real, at my front door.

love is patience
love is equality.
love is not about all of the shitty things i do to me.
love is lovely.
love is kind.
love is banging his new lover.
he’s gonna fuck her blind.

it’s not about saying your sorry.
it’s all about guiltless lies.
it’s about breaking,
it’s a parasitic emotion filled of lust
followed by cold and lonely nights.

love is patience.
i’m still waiting.
love is something.
you’re debating.
fuck her here or fuck her there.
should i wear normal underwear?
love is dancing, ever-slowly.
dancing in heartbreak
singing softly.
love is screaming, who are you dating?
love is something not to be messed with
love is nothing you should guess with.

they’ll say you know it when you feel it.
no doubt about it.
love is enchanting.
love is banging his new lover.
he’s gonna fuck her blind.

we see red lights.
and stop signs
we say go go go.
we see our parents
and videos
they say no no no.
we see the world through rose colored glasses.
i think you look cute this way.
you tell me everything i want to hear
you say it sincere.

it’s sometime after dark
but the night is still so young
we’re not quite seventeen
but forever doesn’t seem so long.
we see a rainstorm.
and no train.
we say go go go.
we’re waiting for the next stoplight.
try and tell us no.

it might be late at night
but i’ve got the feeling you might be right
distance seems shorter and time seems so miniscule
i want to spend this night,
rapped up in a blanket with you.
and you say i love you.
and you mean it to.
i say i love you.
we speed up; stop-and-go.
if you want me just say so.

one day you’ll come back here.
One day you’ll say:
“how’s it going babe?” and i’ll smile
I’ll say it’s great
you’ll hear all about my boyfriend
while you dream about my best friend and i’ll know.
deep down i’m not the one for you.
but you’re so persistent and insistent.

you say grin and bare it, jess
but i won’t take this anymore.
you say you know i love you, girl
but i won’t listen to you lying
you’re laying there beside an empty space
an undented pillow and you’re telling me you love me
that you want me.
and i dont’ know what to say.

but there’s this place deep inside of me
somewhere i’m really angry
about this. about you. about my stupid insecurities
the sky is so fucking beautiful sometimes
i cry. all alone.
at least i’m not with you.

there’s a glare on the windshield
when you take me home
i can barely see
this light is blinding.
you wear your sun glasses
but i just squint.
i can barely see.

but i can feel this awkward tension
in between us
i can see you clutching the wheel
so tight so tight
we pull up to my house
and i climb out
there’s a glare on the windshield
as i walk away.

one day you’ll come back around here.
maybe you’ll get a glimpse on me
there’s a glare on the windshield
one time when you drive by.
you smile
i don’t wave.

there’s a glare on the windshield
i can barely see.
i guess this is goodbye.

this is for the time
you ran away before i could say i love you.
so instead i hid.
but i can guarantee you that i would have said i love you.
you mean(t) everything to me.

this is for the moments
when we hated the world:
our parents, our teachers, authority.
it’s for that time you held me in your arms,
looked me in the eyes and said,
“i don’t want to lose you.”

this is for the dancing
in your bedroom to frank sinatra
with the lights low
and our eyes locked our fingers
grazing our backs.
it’s for romance.

this is for you.
this is for me.

here’s to changing.
it happens all the time.
and maybe nothing is real except for you
except for me
except for dreaming.
maybe nothing is real unless made real by love.

this is for choices.
and the fact that we can’t find love.
but it can find us.
coasting over clouds
that decorate a blue sky.
under a blanket of water.
this is for us.