Author: Jess

we’re standing at the altar
hand in hand, eyes locked on each other
we’re missing the point
but we still say i love you
we really feel it this time
i love you and you love me
but somewhere somethings missing
all I want is to be free.

we’re sacrificing something,
we’re always feeling torn
there is always something gnawing at us, from the day we are born
we’re standing at the altar
time for sacrifice
we’re breaking down our guards
and tearing our skin with knifes

i’m standing at the altar
i climbed from the bottom of this hill
i can stand here, it’s high up
i’m so close to you it’s unreal
you tell me to go back down
you tell me i can’t preach from the mountain
you tell me that you’re calling me
cut his throat, find salvation
hear him gasping, find salvation

we’re sacrificing something
ourselves and each other
take your pills, find salvation.
take a breath, find salvation.

you’re standing at the altar
what can you say now?
you’re standing at the altar
breaking down piece by piece
you’re tearing away the stones
rock the foundation, find salvation.

you light me up
and fan my flames
i’m buring a live
my skin is charred
permanent scars
but i still stay.

you break me down
and shatter my pieces
i’m falling apart
my skin is cracked
permanent scars
but i still stay.

this scar tissue isn’t going to fade
it’s permanent, like my feelings for you
i like the way you feel.
cool metal blades
and disapproving glances.
i love the way you feel.

i miss you today
why must you always go?
you know how much i love you
you’ll never let me go
i’m covered in memories of you
pink flesh, and sunburns
crystaline tears that fall

you never call.

hullo/goodbye
i’ll say no more tonight.
you know the way you feel
when you realize it’s so cold outside
and you know how you heard the words she said
and you know what she meant
when she said “you’re better off dead
kiss me one more time my dear
i’m gonna go to bed.”
you just can’t read through the accents

and when she’s happy it’s okay
that you lead her on and on
and all the while you leave her, you’re always gone.
this, that, why not. a reasonable excuse.

and yet you say i love you
and you even think you mean it.
goodnight, you say.
i love you, and when she’s happy it’s okay.

have you heard the words
they’re a wind of rumors
filling the atmosphere
they’re a slowly released, “i’m sorry.”
have you heard me say it?
i know it’s not like you to listen.
have you heard the words?
have you heard?
“it’s over.”

do you know that this is the saddest
that i’ve been in a long time
because it hurts so bad to know
how far we still have to go.
i just need some time to change.
and all of these excuses are lame.
it doesn’t mean i don’t love you.
i just don’t know where i’m going.

have you heard?
i’m blind. i’m mute. i’m dumb.
have you heard?
i think this is ending.
and i don’t know what to do.

it’s been so long now.
i’ve found someone else,
someone wonderful, someone new.
i’ve found someone nothing like you.
i used to be so happy in your arms
then i was just so bored.
i used to feel like i was trapped inside your grasp
slowly suffocating, breathing hard.

now i’m breathing fine.
and i’m feeling okay.
now that you aren’t mine
it doesn’t matter anymore.
but maybe today i’m just hurting a little bit more.
maybe next time our hellos won’t be so awkward.
maybe next time your sheets won’t seem so stiff
this is the last time you’re gonna get the best of me.
i’m sorry. so sorry.

have you heard that i’m okay?

the street lights (like palm trees)
light the bridge (like a beach)
we’re sizzing; we’re rocking
this is more than what we signed up for.

deep down it’s subconcious
and we search for deeper meanings
we know what we mean
when we say nice things
but this is awful
and we love it
because we’re something more than what we wished for.

this is like a nightmare
inside of a dream
and everything will get better
and everything will cheer me up
and everything is beautiful
except for you, for me, for us.

you’re something i’m not dealing with
i’m chasing shadows of the van
and i’m so paranoid you’ll see me
i run, i hide.
you find me.
i laugh, i sing.
it’s all just a game.

you’re my favorite player
but i can’t take it seriously
i half-ass all the plays
and then wonder what went wrong

that’s really all this is,
just us wondering what goes wrong.

inside i’m blank
just a white piece of paper
with lines that i drew
with br.oken cds and the ash of a cigarette
i’ll char my lungs, burn my throat
cough up I love yous
but inside im blank
i don’t feel anything at all anymore

outside i jump
in fits like bursts of mania
and inside i scream
in fits like bursts of anger
but there is nothing
nothing of worth except a tear
for a pretty song
and nothing worth mentioning
except the feelings that are void

inside i’m blank
wearing 5 dollar dresses
holding hands with the boy that lets me feel everything
inside i’m blank
just a white piece of paper
with lines that i drew
and a heart, in pink fingerpaint

you make me feel like i’m something special

in my dream
you touch my back
my head rests
on your shoulder.
in my dream
you kiss my lips
a smile rests
upon them.
in my dream
you hold my hands
i feel comfortable
for the first time.

when i awake
i see you there
i’ll awkwardly say hello
i’m sure this is just a dream
i’m sure it doesn’t mean a thing
i was sure until you smiled at me.

inside i feel something.
different than before.
i don’t look at you the same
since you kissed me at the door.
when you hang up the phone i say i love you.
and i think i do.
let love last forever.

you’re saying something to me.
and i’m not listening.
you’re writing all of your stories
and i’m not reading.
you’re holding my hand
but i don’t feel a thing
and maybe, this is too much.
for you.

you think you’re nothing but worthless
i have it in me to agree
you think i’m a goddess
i’d burn down my altar
if i could find a match.
and you say, you say “what’s it gonna take?”
and i say, i say “put some passion behind the love we make.”
but maybe, this is too much.
for you.

this might be love
but i can rise above that
and it might be time for a solo
you can’t play your instrument
and you strum so hard.
you’re breaking the strings
while you clumsily break me
down, maybe, this is too much.
for you.

you call me queen of your world
i say thanks, but i’d just fall for the page boy
you want so much from me
and deep down you know i’m nothing
but trouble and yet you still wait patiently
you see something beautiful in my eyes
funny i only see scorn
and maybe, this is too much.
for you.

you say hello
i look down at the floor:
keep walking.
because i’m too hot to handle
and i squirm too much to hold
and i’m barely breathing
because you’re smothering me.
i think you need a new hobby.
because maybe, this is too much.
for you.