Category: Poetry

i find words that associated to you so long ago and remember the true beauty and innocence of what we have, what we had. i’ll never believe something so true fades.

i heard you so clearly this time. and responded so favorably with more kisses and what, did you, just say?. you repeat and i melt a little. it’s like those walls are still there but every day they sink and i think you could climb over them and live here with me,

for supine
is the direction
of your torso
in relation to the stars
but i am supine
in relation to you.

and you are not the stars,
no,
despite how withdrawn
i become
you are much, much closer
than that

you,
you are the water
the reflection of narcissus
and i,
i
your echo-oh-oh
i, the morning bather,
refreshed

you bring me to tears
and know not to question
a rain without thunder

fingers
racing, frantically
as
eyes
locked, immobile
while
lips
restless, chattering
so
many conversations,

i
understand
something
new (you)

so much gratiication,
as your fingers
and mine
lace themselves together
slowly, subtly
our hands
discover:
(these feelings
were mutual
all along)

i arch my back gracefully
making a woman’s movement
you know that everytime i move i
below me i see net
the way anorexic girls see fat
so i raise my arms high
and i jump.

you catch me like a chalk outline
and justify it by making me feel bad
you treat me like you’re my easy lay
when i look at you i see cement
(see also, heartbreak)
your cast is catharsis

each gauze strip is used
only to cover pain i refuse to see
you’re the glue on the fabric
and the thousand-and-first name
to heal the bruises

but, (hey),
you’re prettier than the scabs i create

i know i do it for you, too;
you remind me i meant to jump
and not fall:
in this pain i fly.

the hunger carves
as my insides eat my insides
deepening the hole
your former residence

food would quell the aching,
the idea. my body is absorbing you
you weren’t a growth,
you weren’t a cancer
i am; now, i always will be

i can’t afford the food
and now i’m only eating for one

walking through a cemetery barefoot
waiting, singing, an early morning sunrise
days later we’ll attempt to save daylight
readjust the calendar, change our hours
to have it as we please
here, morning is mourning
just as sweetness is
and sometimes things that is, are

regretfully, as it is I stepping through the cemetery gates
we are.

walking through rows and rows of marked graves
waiting, crying, an early morning epiphany
i collapse onto a burial plot
wondering, is it too early to invest in my own
just swallow me, just swallow me
maybe that’s how you got there:
did i save you from the gravity of somewhere
some place i don’t believe in
when you were praying for a heaven
and you got this
this

you crawl out of me when i curl up and fall asleep
like you’re something tangible
something i could handle
i could crush your skull conventionally
bury you among other babies
with sayings from mommies that loved them
i grab a rock the size of you, right now

my fingers are dirty from digging into the earth
i bury a collection of earthly mineral memories

walking away from an unmarked grave
waiting, hoping, a smooth rainfall
i’d fucking use the bones in my fingers
to chisel an epitaph for you
but if i had the strength to break rock
i could raise you too, then,
couldn’t i?

regretfully, as it is I stepping through the cemetery gates
i is.

fuck.

i remember you sitting in a chair
in between the living room and the dining room
and smiling at me
but you were totally unattached from everything

today, there will be no memories to make of you at all
except the strangeness that you set on this family
when you put that bullet in your neck
i wish i could mimic the sounds with my fists
but sadness and anger and grief, all mixed, doesn’t have a sound

tears fall
silently
to the ground.

which is worse?
the easter you sat there
a month after you’d left her
weeks after you begged her back
and you knew we hated you for it
or
the easter you were burried
a month after you’d left her
weeks after the funeral
and you weren’t here for us to hate you for it

we still did,
funny, some girls have uncles that they love

this is my eulogy for you
this is the eulogy you don’t deserve
this is the eulogy that describes only your bad
this is the eulogy that leaves out why it hurts
this is the eulogy that forgets
this is the eulogy that ignores

once, you were good.