Category: Poetry

inside i’m blank
just a white piece of paper
with lines that i drew
with br.oken cds and the ash of a cigarette
i’ll char my lungs, burn my throat
cough up I love yous
but inside im blank
i don’t feel anything at all anymore

outside i jump
in fits like bursts of mania
and inside i scream
in fits like bursts of anger
but there is nothing
nothing of worth except a tear
for a pretty song
and nothing worth mentioning
except the feelings that are void

inside i’m blank
wearing 5 dollar dresses
holding hands with the boy that lets me feel everything
inside i’m blank
just a white piece of paper
with lines that i drew
and a heart, in pink fingerpaint

you make me feel like i’m something special

in my dream
you touch my back
my head rests
on your shoulder.
in my dream
you kiss my lips
a smile rests
upon them.
in my dream
you hold my hands
i feel comfortable
for the first time.

when i awake
i see you there
i’ll awkwardly say hello
i’m sure this is just a dream
i’m sure it doesn’t mean a thing
i was sure until you smiled at me.

inside i feel something.
different than before.
i don’t look at you the same
since you kissed me at the door.
when you hang up the phone i say i love you.
and i think i do.
let love last forever.

you’re saying something to me.
and i’m not listening.
you’re writing all of your stories
and i’m not reading.
you’re holding my hand
but i don’t feel a thing
and maybe, this is too much.
for you.

you think you’re nothing but worthless
i have it in me to agree
you think i’m a goddess
i’d burn down my altar
if i could find a match.
and you say, you say “what’s it gonna take?”
and i say, i say “put some passion behind the love we make.”
but maybe, this is too much.
for you.

this might be love
but i can rise above that
and it might be time for a solo
you can’t play your instrument
and you strum so hard.
you’re breaking the strings
while you clumsily break me
down, maybe, this is too much.
for you.

you call me queen of your world
i say thanks, but i’d just fall for the page boy
you want so much from me
and deep down you know i’m nothing
but trouble and yet you still wait patiently
you see something beautiful in my eyes
funny i only see scorn
and maybe, this is too much.
for you.

you say hello
i look down at the floor:
keep walking.
because i’m too hot to handle
and i squirm too much to hold
and i’m barely breathing
because you’re smothering me.
i think you need a new hobby.
because maybe, this is too much.
for you.

i think if you were here
we could go find a dry spot in the grass
and we could pretend that we were okay
i promise i won’t notice the moody tone in your voice
or the way you always look at me like you don’t love me anymore.
and i could see you smiling at me
and i could smile back too
we could kiss each other and look past it
but what good would it do?
you say i’m the greatest
but you tell me you’re a liar.
you used to make me feel so perfect.
now you’re just a broken wish
and i wanted to be with you so bad.
i wanted this to last for so long.
but nothing comes true anymore.
even love fades away
(and how quickly?!)
we’re dancing clumsily up the steps
to a bedroom filled with close-lip kisses.
and a sloppy, undressing scene.
we’re falling onto the bedspread
and i look in your eyes
you can’t bring yourself to look into mine.
sometime i’ll move on.
someday you’ll be gone.
but i can’t bring myself to look away.

her face is flooded
with tears that fall
like rain during the sunrise.
her eyes are blue,
her hair’s like honey
her cheeks are rosy.
as she looks for an answer.

and what do you say to her
when you’re not listening?
what do you see
when you’re not looking?
where do you go
when you’re never with her?
what do you see in other girls?

this worlds not fair
the way it spins at a tilt
she’s always on the downside.
when she looks at you
she feels so up, up, up.
but everythings going so fast.
and you’re not even looking her way.
she’s just a good friend.
you love her in so many wrong ways.

look around you sweetheart.
buying her some chocolate
when some knew asshole is breaking her heart
just won’t cut it anymore.
she looks at you so silently, she’s longing
for just one more day with you.
there’s nothing she wants more
than a kiss in the sunset.

maybe she won’t wake up crying anymore.
maybe when she falls asleep
her starry eyes will close,
inside she’ll smile.
at least that’s what she hopes.
cuz when she thinks about you
she feels so close.
but deep down she knows
you’re so far away.
but what can you say?

i tear and tear but the blood won’t come.
you say i don’t have to
but i know what you mean.
you say i love you
you say what you think.
i just stand there, i look dumb.
i just stand there.
you don’t come.

i’m waiting. waiting.

finally i see the stains
like dates of the past
and the way they fade away.
you’re a dream in my head
and this feeling is better off dead.
i hate the way my mind works.
you’d hate the thoughts i think.
but you still say.
and you tell me you love me anyways.

this is as close to alcoholic as she gets
she’s drinking down the bottles
?????(like a car takes gasoline)
she’s savoring the burning
it’s an esophogyeal flare
if she keeps on going
pretty soon she just won’t care

at least she’s not absuive
but there’s no one around to hit
she’s drowning in her tears
?????(like her liver in her vices)
but oh oh oh there’s nothing wrong
she’s a lullaby of grace
and besides–
she looks so pretty when she’s shit-faced

her dress is polka-dotted
she’s every man’ dream date
quickly, she’ll turn wicked
and you play her favorite game
let’s see how much she’ll drink tonight
?????(how many tears will she cry tomorrow?)
you love her, she’s an easy lay.
and she’ll never remember all the dirty things you say.

they say you’ll know it when it happens
and you’ll feel it when it’s real.
they say the feelings never ending
and you want it more and more.
they say you’ll just know when it’s real
i think it’s real, at my front door.

love is patience
love is equality.
love is not about all of the shitty things i do to me.
love is lovely.
love is kind.
love is banging his new lover.
he’s gonna fuck her blind.

it’s not about saying your sorry.
it’s all about guiltless lies.
it’s about breaking,
it’s a parasitic emotion filled of lust
followed by cold and lonely nights.

love is patience.
i’m still waiting.
love is something.
you’re debating.
fuck her here or fuck her there.
should i wear normal underwear?
love is dancing, ever-slowly.
dancing in heartbreak
singing softly.
love is screaming, who are you dating?
love is something not to be messed with
love is nothing you should guess with.

they’ll say you know it when you feel it.
no doubt about it.
love is enchanting.
love is banging his new lover.
he’s gonna fuck her blind.

we see red lights.
and stop signs
we say go go go.
we see our parents
and videos
they say no no no.
we see the world through rose colored glasses.
i think you look cute this way.
you tell me everything i want to hear
you say it sincere.

it’s sometime after dark
but the night is still so young
we’re not quite seventeen
but forever doesn’t seem so long.
we see a rainstorm.
and no train.
we say go go go.
we’re waiting for the next stoplight.
try and tell us no.

it might be late at night
but i’ve got the feeling you might be right
distance seems shorter and time seems so miniscule
i want to spend this night,
rapped up in a blanket with you.
and you say i love you.
and you mean it to.
i say i love you.
we speed up; stop-and-go.
if you want me just say so.

one day you’ll come back here.
One day you’ll say:
“how’s it going babe?” and i’ll smile
I’ll say it’s great
you’ll hear all about my boyfriend
while you dream about my best friend and i’ll know.
deep down i’m not the one for you.
but you’re so persistent and insistent.

you say grin and bare it, jess
but i won’t take this anymore.
you say you know i love you, girl
but i won’t listen to you lying
you’re laying there beside an empty space
an undented pillow and you’re telling me you love me
that you want me.
and i dont’ know what to say.

but there’s this place deep inside of me
somewhere i’m really angry
about this. about you. about my stupid insecurities
the sky is so fucking beautiful sometimes
i cry. all alone.
at least i’m not with you.