Category: Poetry

you feel like morphine
as you fingers coast slowly over my skin
i asked for you by name
now i’m drifting far away
on a road trip through my brain
i’m falling slowly and suddenly
i’m finding myself back where i began
love songs play on your radio
i feel okay, i’m not quite happy
we’re not quite there yet.
just a few more minutes
you’ll make me feel okay
just one more drive
i’ll return to sanity
and you can find your own way home
you can drop everything
again you can stop
everything you’re saying
we’re not bad for each other
we’re just bad for our dreams
we’re falling asleep
into nightmares
we’re not tired, we just leave
conciousness and sorrow
happiness is grand
i want to feel you breathing
and then i don’t want to feel you again
this is somewhat exciting
but i don’t want to talk about it
you’re heart’s beating faster
but a heart is only good for pumping blood.

it speaks in the back of my head
it’s like thunder
and i can hear voices when i sleep
they say ‘oh darling jess dear,
you know you love her’
but i’m afraid to even think
i hear her voice,
it’s so smooth, calming, pretty
i see her face
the beauty rages through her like echoes
and i sit here all alone
i hide behind thick-framed glasses
and wings (giggle, faerie)

they’re planning liquor runs behind me
but i understand a little better
i’m a little something more than
she’s a little something more than
i deserve, i deserve i deserve
(i deserve the worst)
but she’s beautiful when she’s angry
and she’s pretty when i hear my favorite song
she’s something to write home about
even if mom has it all wrong
and deep down i hope she feels it too
but i hide inside of my fear
she’s a gorgeous girl
and i’m in fear love.

Jess, I love you, and I can’t ever see that changing. I want you to be happy.
-BD

that’s what you say to me
that is what i believed
that’s what you said to me,
just two weeks ago
i said that i love you too
or that i loved you too
anymore i don’t know which is true
i don’t know what to believe.

i either hate you
or else I hate me
sometimes i feel like it’s kinda hard to breathe
in this oxygen tank
it’s corroding my lungs
and you’re breaking me down
like heart beats
(heart)(beat)

i hope it feels good to know
that i didn’t lie to you
i hope you’re gratified by my wounds
don’t get so angry
yeah don’t be so crazy
i don’t want to know
what you’re thinking.

he says if i need a rebound
his friend might rape me
i’ve got other thoughts in my mind
i’m afraid to let go
because i’d feel empty like vases
in the arms of someone else

you make me feel like shattering glass
comparable to that which i use to carve my ankles
creating scars that i just forget
creating scars that make me so beautiful
you make me feel like i am breaking.

you make me want to bash your face in
it takes all of me to hold back,
you used to hold my face down when you liked it
oh sweet irony, a 16-year-old boy, drowned in 2 inches of water.
you look so pretty all the time
but all that is is a waste
a waste of moments, a waste of kisses, a waste of breaths

my fears have all came true
why’d i let myself fall so in love with you
you hurt more than he did
he cared enough to push me around
you hurt more than he did
you’re battle wounds are beating my heart
my fears have all came true
How was i supposed to know i’d be hurt by you.

fuck you.
fuck you.
fuck you.
oh the pain you cause me
do you miss me when i walk away
or say fuck off.
you haven’t heard me yet
but you’ve never listened either.
fuck fuck fuck fuck you
just like you fucked me too
it scares me that i can be that wrong
it scares me that you can be this fucking dumb
it bothers me that this is relieving

when i feel weak, i still blame you
it’s the way you make me feel
I get so tired, I don’t know what to do
it’s the way you make me feel
and everything is spinning round and round

you make me broken like records
and you make me feel down down down
i’m feeling empty in discourse
i have no idea what’s gone wrong, again
and everything is sliding away

i want to dance on your gravestone
my grandmother says i’ll go straight to hell
i want to shatter your bones
my grandmother says it’s just as well
and everything is collecting in dusty, angry masses

i want to feel alive again
it’s the way you make me feel
i get so scared, I don’t now what to do
it’s the way you make me feel
and everything is stopping. completely.

we’re standing at the altar
hand in hand, eyes locked on each other
we’re missing the point
but we still say i love you
we really feel it this time
i love you and you love me
but somewhere somethings missing
all I want is to be free.

we’re sacrificing something,
we’re always feeling torn
there is always something gnawing at us, from the day we are born
we’re standing at the altar
time for sacrifice
we’re breaking down our guards
and tearing our skin with knifes

i’m standing at the altar
i climbed from the bottom of this hill
i can stand here, it’s high up
i’m so close to you it’s unreal
you tell me to go back down
you tell me i can’t preach from the mountain
you tell me that you’re calling me
cut his throat, find salvation
hear him gasping, find salvation

we’re sacrificing something
ourselves and each other
take your pills, find salvation.
take a breath, find salvation.

you’re standing at the altar
what can you say now?
you’re standing at the altar
breaking down piece by piece
you’re tearing away the stones
rock the foundation, find salvation.

you light me up
and fan my flames
i’m buring a live
my skin is charred
permanent scars
but i still stay.

you break me down
and shatter my pieces
i’m falling apart
my skin is cracked
permanent scars
but i still stay.

this scar tissue isn’t going to fade
it’s permanent, like my feelings for you
i like the way you feel.
cool metal blades
and disapproving glances.
i love the way you feel.

i miss you today
why must you always go?
you know how much i love you
you’ll never let me go
i’m covered in memories of you
pink flesh, and sunburns
crystaline tears that fall

you never call.

hullo/goodbye
i’ll say no more tonight.
you know the way you feel
when you realize it’s so cold outside
and you know how you heard the words she said
and you know what she meant
when she said “you’re better off dead
kiss me one more time my dear
i’m gonna go to bed.”
you just can’t read through the accents

and when she’s happy it’s okay
that you lead her on and on
and all the while you leave her, you’re always gone.
this, that, why not. a reasonable excuse.

and yet you say i love you
and you even think you mean it.
goodnight, you say.
i love you, and when she’s happy it’s okay.

have you heard the words
they’re a wind of rumors
filling the atmosphere
they’re a slowly released, “i’m sorry.”
have you heard me say it?
i know it’s not like you to listen.
have you heard the words?
have you heard?
“it’s over.”

do you know that this is the saddest
that i’ve been in a long time
because it hurts so bad to know
how far we still have to go.
i just need some time to change.
and all of these excuses are lame.
it doesn’t mean i don’t love you.
i just don’t know where i’m going.

have you heard?
i’m blind. i’m mute. i’m dumb.
have you heard?
i think this is ending.
and i don’t know what to do.

it’s been so long now.
i’ve found someone else,
someone wonderful, someone new.
i’ve found someone nothing like you.
i used to be so happy in your arms
then i was just so bored.
i used to feel like i was trapped inside your grasp
slowly suffocating, breathing hard.

now i’m breathing fine.
and i’m feeling okay.
now that you aren’t mine
it doesn’t matter anymore.
but maybe today i’m just hurting a little bit more.
maybe next time our hellos won’t be so awkward.
maybe next time your sheets won’t seem so stiff
this is the last time you’re gonna get the best of me.
i’m sorry. so sorry.

have you heard that i’m okay?

the street lights (like palm trees)
light the bridge (like a beach)
we’re sizzing; we’re rocking
this is more than what we signed up for.

deep down it’s subconcious
and we search for deeper meanings
we know what we mean
when we say nice things
but this is awful
and we love it
because we’re something more than what we wished for.

this is like a nightmare
inside of a dream
and everything will get better
and everything will cheer me up
and everything is beautiful
except for you, for me, for us.

you’re something i’m not dealing with
i’m chasing shadows of the van
and i’m so paranoid you’ll see me
i run, i hide.
you find me.
i laugh, i sing.
it’s all just a game.

you’re my favorite player
but i can’t take it seriously
i half-ass all the plays
and then wonder what went wrong

that’s really all this is,
just us wondering what goes wrong.