on god and love

i went out with thomas yesterday and we ended up at the park before i finally got up the nerve to quit blindly driving around and actually spit out what i’d brought him there to talk about (god god god). it turned out to be a really good conversation that i think i took a lot from and it helped with a lot of my confusion. the best part though was when he talked about love and i realized that love does exist and maybe what i’ve had with so many other people wasn’t love by any further definition than that word. i just felt a lot better about a lot of things. and that was alright.

i’m thinking about pulling a novice up this weekend.

i went to mallory’s party after being out with thomas and spent some time there. i talked to rachel who is apparently pentacostal and she talked about why she believes what she believes and explained alot about apostolic religion. i think that i learned a lot there too. and i’m pretty sure that particular faith isn’t exactly right for me but i’m glad that she fits in in a church.

we had to go to mass today (bad) i just sat there the whole time trying to figure out why catholicism is such a religion of tradition. not that i oppose catholicism or anything because i kind of was for a long time and again i think people should just worship how they feel most comfortable worshipping but i really don’t understand confirmation. i kept asking mom if i was invisible. and she kept shushing me and i kept telling her it was okay if i talked because i was invisible. good time. except i was bored out of my mind.

after mass we went to the reception thing and told tyler way-to-go (and his saints name is thomas. ::giggles over the irony::) and then we went and ate steak in maple hill. which was one of the overwhelming religious experiences of my weekend. i jsut kept growling/giggling and saying that i’ve never been this happy in my life… oooh it was so good. just amazingly amazingly amazing. wow.

post-food. i came home and napped for about 2 hours then i cleaned my room and lacey came over to do some math. that was nice. although i’m really unsure of how i understand it. i got math and french student of the month (by the way) i like it bunches. calc = rock. lacey and i went to dollar general (where they sell calculator + perfume combos, schuh style).. then we went to dairy queen and scored a tremendously large cup of pop rocks. yum! and then i came home to do more homework.

first i read x pages of government and took massive notes as usual. then i read siddhartha, deciding that it is salinger-worthy and that i love it and that its good and that i should not finish reading it as early as i finished the last book we read for chamberlain. but wow. it so good. and also kinda how i’m feeling about religion right now. even if i’m a western-god girl. still. it was good. i read more govt after that and now i’m blogging and later more government.

i’m really tired of high school drama. maybe that’ll stop sometime soon.

i kind of think i need to go away on some sort of religious-find-myself journey. to lowell massachussetts. which reminds me. i’m going to lowell next october. who’s with me?

• Category: Journal