and love is
i have to write an essay on what love is to me. we just read one today by fromm and it was pretty good but i disagreed with some of it. i think he just explained the externalities of love without talking about the emotional implications of love are. i know that if i wrote about love it would be about madeline because she is my example of what that is and its difficult for me to explain what that is. sometimes i don’t know what to do about her/us. she said last night that she wants closure and i realized i’m terrified of that idea. i don’t want to get over her. i want to get uncrazy and be with her again. but everything is so fucked up in my head and how i deal with people. its like i won’t let myself be with her. maybe that’s what love is: love is the hypocritical fascination with a cycle of satisfaction and deprevation experienced and desired only by dreamers and sadists.
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im not really sure that closure means getting over someone. i just want some sort of resolution between us. im sorry if i was cuntish last night on the phone. you know its just because im hurting, and im scared. i hope to talk soon.
that’s really deep. I don’t know much about love but this entry sort of makes me want to rethink everything that I do know.