house of fog

i think my psyche has finally readied itself for college. i had a dream last night that i had a baby. there was no labor accompanied with said baby, at least in the dream, but i knew it was mine. and i was as old as i am now in the dream as well. i had been at some school rally (seaman like one of those cookouts i never went to during homecoming week) and i came home and i had this beautiful little baby girl. everyone loved her so much. and i remember feeling so incredibly comfortable with the baby. there was this one time where she was asleep and i woke her up just so that i could play with her because i couldn’t leave her alone because i loved her so much. and we took her to the mall and she screamed at cried there because she hated malls. lol. she looked just like madeline. and i was taking her to see madeline while i was waking up. the whole time i kept thinking about how i didn’t know how i could’ve had a baby cos i’d had a period while id been in boston and that was only like 2 months ago. hrm. it was a very nice dream though. and i loved the baby so much. i woke up with that semi-relieved feeling, cos honestly: me, a baby? and also feeling really happy about the world in general.

the college link is that all of my poetry was about abortions when i was making my college decision. and i felt like a part of me was dying just because i had to move out of my past. i think deciding what college to go to was one of the biggest, most difficult decisions of my life because it really does decide like everything. and i’m really happy that i’ve decided on washburn.. i can’t wait to go. school starts on august 16 and i move out on august 8th and its all this really exciting new adventure. it’s just insane. and i’m incredibly excited about all of it. and i think my brain is too now.

on the other side of things: the baby didn’t have a name.. but i’m totally naming my baby girl Ch’i. with the apostrophe.

• Category: Journal